my life seems so full of contradictory moments. i would think of this idea one second, then find out something that pulls me down the next.

and today i finally realized how much i love SLB. and i realized how i would rather stay on and suffer sometimes, rather than leave this board. i feels so sad, and disappointed, when i see people commenting on SLB now. they all say that its falling, in a disastrous condition, unprofessional. and no matter how much i want to contradict them, i realized that i have no reason to tell them its not true, when it is true. the SLB is falling apart, and we are the cause. how long is it going to take before the SLs gather together and save this falling family? who will be the catalyst? whose words will be the ones to finally reach them? how long will it stay in their minds? a second, a minute, a day, a month, a year? how long before they lose themselves and give up. will i be the one to pull it together? will i be the one to be laughed at for having foolish ideals? well, i dont care. im going to fight for SLB, and im going to fight hard. i may not be the best SL, but it doesnt matter. i will try my best to keep it together, and i cant do it alone. who will even see this, or join me on this road? i dont want to see my family fall. and i cry, cry for this board, for all the things i see but i cant change. and when it all comes to an end, what will happen to us? and if i give my all, and nothing happens, then i dont know what i can do anymore.

my life seems so full of contradictory moments. i would think of this idea one second, then find out something that pulls me down the next.

and today i finally realized how much i love SLB. and i realized how i would rather stay on and suffer sometimes, rather than leave this board. i feels so sad, and disappointed, when i see people commenting on SLB now. they all say that its falling, in a disastrous condition, unprofessional. and no matter how much i want to contradict them, i realized that i have no reason to tell them its not true, when it is true. the SLB is falling apart, and we are the cause. how long is it going to take before the SLs gather together and save this falling family? who will be the catalyst? whose words will be the ones to finally reach them? how long will it stay in their minds? a second, a minute, a day, a month, a year? how long before they lose themselves and give up. will i be the one to pull it together? will i be the one to be laughed at for having foolish ideals? well, i dont care. im going to fight for SLB, and im going to fight hard. i may not be the best SL, but it doesnt matter. i will try my best to keep it together, and i cant do it alone. who will even see this, or join me on this road? i dont want to see my family fall. and i cry, cry for this board, for all the things i see but i cant change. and when it all comes to an end, what will happen to us? and if i give my all, and nothing happens, then i dont know what i can do anymore.