86th post!

been feeling unbelievably dead these few weeks. i have no idea why though.

i have the awesomest friends by the way.

i've handed in the form already, second guessing myself.

what if im not good enough? what if i dont get in?

then i realized, it doesnt matter. i dont have to be exco to do anything.

sigh. it was a miracle i reached home before 6 today.

i realized its not that school ends that late, but that i dont want to be alone.

guess im just that kind of person. i dont like to be alone most of the time, i want to hold someone.

call me corny or whatever, i dont care.

i want to hold someone in my arms and keep them safe.

at times i find myself unbelievably childish, at others incredibly mature.

guess thats just who i am.

i need a hug.

strip them away one by one, till theres no one left.

who will love me then?

85th post. :O

I BROKE ANOTHER BRACE. GAH. AND I JUST GOT IT FIXED. now i have to stay with a broken brace for quite a long time. like a few weeks. i should go back soon, but im too much of a lazy ass. :O oh well. :D



oh hello. tests are amusing. AND IM GETTING EXCITED ABOUT MAH BIRTHDAY. WOOHOO. cause im such a naise person. okay. that had no link at all. :O

i wonder who reads my weird posts. o_o



sec 3 life is indeed different. im getting weirder habits. :O and then i realized something about myself, then i forgot what i realized. oh well.

lady gaga's born this way is awesome. goodnight. HAHA.
NO MATTER GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BI,
LESBIAN, TRANSGENDERED LIFE
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO SURVIVE

i should probably stop writing my blog post in that cryptic kind of style. but im too lazy to do a proper post. hahaha.

today was too hot. amazingly, unawesomely hot. sweated like mad. D:

i spent the day doing nothing productive, as per normal. i have so many ideas, but im too lazy to act on them. haha.

i just wrote my english essay in about 30 mins. :O typed it out to be more specific. 600 words. its random crap anyway. i also split all the recordings, which were supposed to be handed in last thurs. oh well. theres nothing else to hand in tomorrow i think.

i just realized i have recess duty tomorrow and tomorrow tomorrow. :O

my cousin has a new dog. so cute. :D i miss my dog. ):

blargh.

make believe is so much better than reality.
books are a form of escape.
you could pretend to be a character, saving the world.
or it doesnt have to be so grand.
it could be one with a good friend, one you stayed overnight with.
it could be one that has an impossible life.
but when the books end, it just leaves you feeling worse than before.
cause you know that it doesnt exist.
________________________________
cause i may be bad but im perfectly good at it.
sex in the air, i dont care i love the smell of it.
sticks and stones may break my bones,
but chains and whips excite me.

and so it starts.

the forms are out, the beginning so near.

undecisiveness, guilt, stress.

i am undecided.

what will make my decision?

i dont know.

morale is low.

one has left our numbers.

dropping, lower lower lower.

one rose for many people.

one lost, scattered in the wind.

one gone, far away now.

one love, who will never know.

i'll buy that rose tomorrow.

at least i'll satisfy someone.

cryptic, a liar's soul.

whenever you ask.

a lie is easier than telling the truth.

then that rose will arrive.

i'll keep it till its withered and brown.

until its stalk turns brittle.

like i do every year.

lets go crazy darling.
what are you hiding from me?
what causes you to run away?
not that it matters much.
or at least it isnt supposed to.
if you dont expect anything,
you wont be disappointed anymore.
i've been living through it so long.
but it isnt working anymore.
i cant stay so far away anymore.
and my heart just breaks everytime i expect too much.
you dont have to be a lover, to break someone's heart.
it doesnt make sense, but it does, if you understand.
i dont want to hurt.
why are you going away?
its not true, but yet it is.
will you be the one to understand me,
but how can i expect anyone to.
i'm only beginning to understand myself.
darling, wont you stay?
i want to touch, feel, smell.
but you wouldnt understand.
remind me of safety, of home.
smell of shampoo and soap, and of yourself.
it doesnt have to be that way.
im going crazy.
it's about to begin.
this journey to the end.
im not waiting for you anymore.
im stepping onto this road, with you or without.
you'll stll be there, but you wont be on the same path.
the current one isnt good, its falling.
can you understand this?
probably not.
and so the journey begins.
i want you by my side, follow me.
it isnt as complex as you think.
its so much more simple.
warped, dysfunctional, insane.
crazy is definately the word.
i can, but i dont want to.
i dont have to prove myself to you.
find me faithless.

i hate this society.
it makes people bitter, including me.
it creates stereotypes, and prejudice.
it shows too many lies, and hides the truth.
why is it when society decrees that
skinny people are beautiful,
everyone believes it.
why is it when society decress that
gays are abnormal, disgusting,
everyone accepts it.
why does this society throw around words.
fag, gay, bitch, slut, retard, bastard.
why are the people not standing up?
why are the people following this society,
making it worse and worse, and not caring.
this society hurts too many people.
i am a victim, and everyone is one too.
no matter what you say, everyone suffers.
we just dont show it.
i hate this society, and i cry for it.
and i ask myself.
why? why do i let this continue.
what can i do as one person.
and then truth strikes.
there is nothing i can do.

i am a guy. im tall, big, somewhat strong. but i am still human. its not just because im a guy, im not affected. i've been called an asshole, a fag, gay, stupid, fat and many more. and everytime, no matter how i look on the outside, it hurts. i look at myself in photos, in the mirror, and i hate what i see. i have acne, bad breath and im fat. i dont stand straight, my back hurts all the time. and everytime somebody says something like that, it hurts, even if its just a little. i say these things to other people too, with no ill meaning behind them, but sometimes it still gets received badly. and because im such a big guy, everyone thinks i have no problems. all i want is for someone to really ask, and really mean it when they ask me if im fine. to just listen to me while i talk. everyone just asks, are you fine, and when i try to talk, they start talking about themselves. im there for you when you need someone to listen, but when will you listen to me? this society is terrible. people think the worst of everyone else.

i try to stay positive, think of the best of others. but sometimes its really hard to do when all people think about is the worst of people. everyone breaks, its just a matter of time before i do. and when i do, who will be there for me?

but then again, even if nobody is there, we just have to pick ourselves up and move on. to all those people out there, stay strong, if for nobody else, then yourself. stay strong and move on. dont give in to anything else. i dont want to cry for another name and a faceless body. love yourself, and carry on, even though its hard.

i hate this society, but we still have to live on.

heyhellohi. we're all going crazy. this post shall mostly be dedicated to people. especially someone. especially seems weird. i think i spelt it wrongly. hmm. my pronounciation is going crazy now of days. damn braces and people with incorrect pronounciations. ._. whatever.

DESIREE
cheer up girl! but i dont think you actually read my blog. tell me if you do, tyvm. :O your a naise person.

SHERRY
thanks a lot for all the times you help me. you are awesome. awesome! nobody will ever match up to you. umm. probably. hahahaha. but who knows. you've been an awesome swat head and friend, even if we're not that close. :D

QIANNONG
this post was mostly because of you actually. hahaha. dont care about your weight all that. it doesnt matter. you can feel bitter about it for awhile, but never forget that IT DOESNT MATTER! you are beautiful, in your own special way. you are one of my bestest friends ever. :D and im being honest here okay. >:D okay. weird emoticon. whatever. hahaha. nobody can judge you for who you are. they can tell you their opinions, or you can think of your own, but in the end, it doesnt matter because you, yourself and you is the most important thing. i think you're really pretty, and i think overly skinny girls are just :O. i like you just the way you are. :D so dont forget how awesome you are. hahaha. okaye. by the way, if anyone ever bullies you, tell meh. cause i will come up with a grand plan of revenge. and it'll work out perfectly. eh. probably. eh. probably not. hahaha. but still, i'll be there for you. :D i think this is so weird. oh well. BE HAPPY YOU HAVE A DEDICATION. I DO NOT LIKE TO WRITE DEDICATIONS.

and i shall stop the dedications here. hahahaha. actually, i shall end with a general dedication.

EVERYONE OUT THERE, YOU ARE AWESOME AND SOMEONE OUT THERE LOVES YOU.
it might not be okay in your life right now, but it will get better. i promise.

86th post!

been feeling unbelievably dead these few weeks. i have no idea why though.

i have the awesomest friends by the way.

i've handed in the form already, second guessing myself.

what if im not good enough? what if i dont get in?

then i realized, it doesnt matter. i dont have to be exco to do anything.

sigh. it was a miracle i reached home before 6 today.

i realized its not that school ends that late, but that i dont want to be alone.

guess im just that kind of person. i dont like to be alone most of the time, i want to hold someone.

call me corny or whatever, i dont care.

i want to hold someone in my arms and keep them safe.

at times i find myself unbelievably childish, at others incredibly mature.

guess thats just who i am.

i need a hug.

strip them away one by one, till theres no one left.

who will love me then?

85th post. :O

I BROKE ANOTHER BRACE. GAH. AND I JUST GOT IT FIXED. now i have to stay with a broken brace for quite a long time. like a few weeks. i should go back soon, but im too much of a lazy ass. :O oh well. :D



oh hello. tests are amusing. AND IM GETTING EXCITED ABOUT MAH BIRTHDAY. WOOHOO. cause im such a naise person. okay. that had no link at all. :O

i wonder who reads my weird posts. o_o



sec 3 life is indeed different. im getting weirder habits. :O and then i realized something about myself, then i forgot what i realized. oh well.

lady gaga's born this way is awesome. goodnight. HAHA.
NO MATTER GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BI,
LESBIAN, TRANSGENDERED LIFE
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO SURVIVE

i should probably stop writing my blog post in that cryptic kind of style. but im too lazy to do a proper post. hahaha.

today was too hot. amazingly, unawesomely hot. sweated like mad. D:

i spent the day doing nothing productive, as per normal. i have so many ideas, but im too lazy to act on them. haha.

i just wrote my english essay in about 30 mins. :O typed it out to be more specific. 600 words. its random crap anyway. i also split all the recordings, which were supposed to be handed in last thurs. oh well. theres nothing else to hand in tomorrow i think.

i just realized i have recess duty tomorrow and tomorrow tomorrow. :O

my cousin has a new dog. so cute. :D i miss my dog. ):

blargh.

make believe is so much better than reality.
books are a form of escape.
you could pretend to be a character, saving the world.
or it doesnt have to be so grand.
it could be one with a good friend, one you stayed overnight with.
it could be one that has an impossible life.
but when the books end, it just leaves you feeling worse than before.
cause you know that it doesnt exist.
________________________________
cause i may be bad but im perfectly good at it.
sex in the air, i dont care i love the smell of it.
sticks and stones may break my bones,
but chains and whips excite me.

and so it starts.

the forms are out, the beginning so near.

undecisiveness, guilt, stress.

i am undecided.

what will make my decision?

i dont know.

morale is low.

one has left our numbers.

dropping, lower lower lower.

one rose for many people.

one lost, scattered in the wind.

one gone, far away now.

one love, who will never know.

i'll buy that rose tomorrow.

at least i'll satisfy someone.

cryptic, a liar's soul.

whenever you ask.

a lie is easier than telling the truth.

then that rose will arrive.

i'll keep it till its withered and brown.

until its stalk turns brittle.

like i do every year.

lets go crazy darling.
what are you hiding from me?
what causes you to run away?
not that it matters much.
or at least it isnt supposed to.
if you dont expect anything,
you wont be disappointed anymore.
i've been living through it so long.
but it isnt working anymore.
i cant stay so far away anymore.
and my heart just breaks everytime i expect too much.
you dont have to be a lover, to break someone's heart.
it doesnt make sense, but it does, if you understand.
i dont want to hurt.
why are you going away?
its not true, but yet it is.
will you be the one to understand me,
but how can i expect anyone to.
i'm only beginning to understand myself.
darling, wont you stay?
i want to touch, feel, smell.
but you wouldnt understand.
remind me of safety, of home.
smell of shampoo and soap, and of yourself.
it doesnt have to be that way.
im going crazy.
it's about to begin.
this journey to the end.
im not waiting for you anymore.
im stepping onto this road, with you or without.
you'll stll be there, but you wont be on the same path.
the current one isnt good, its falling.
can you understand this?
probably not.
and so the journey begins.
i want you by my side, follow me.
it isnt as complex as you think.
its so much more simple.
warped, dysfunctional, insane.
crazy is definately the word.
i can, but i dont want to.
i dont have to prove myself to you.
find me faithless.

i hate this society.
it makes people bitter, including me.
it creates stereotypes, and prejudice.
it shows too many lies, and hides the truth.
why is it when society decrees that
skinny people are beautiful,
everyone believes it.
why is it when society decress that
gays are abnormal, disgusting,
everyone accepts it.
why does this society throw around words.
fag, gay, bitch, slut, retard, bastard.
why are the people not standing up?
why are the people following this society,
making it worse and worse, and not caring.
this society hurts too many people.
i am a victim, and everyone is one too.
no matter what you say, everyone suffers.
we just dont show it.
i hate this society, and i cry for it.
and i ask myself.
why? why do i let this continue.
what can i do as one person.
and then truth strikes.
there is nothing i can do.

i am a guy. im tall, big, somewhat strong. but i am still human. its not just because im a guy, im not affected. i've been called an asshole, a fag, gay, stupid, fat and many more. and everytime, no matter how i look on the outside, it hurts. i look at myself in photos, in the mirror, and i hate what i see. i have acne, bad breath and im fat. i dont stand straight, my back hurts all the time. and everytime somebody says something like that, it hurts, even if its just a little. i say these things to other people too, with no ill meaning behind them, but sometimes it still gets received badly. and because im such a big guy, everyone thinks i have no problems. all i want is for someone to really ask, and really mean it when they ask me if im fine. to just listen to me while i talk. everyone just asks, are you fine, and when i try to talk, they start talking about themselves. im there for you when you need someone to listen, but when will you listen to me? this society is terrible. people think the worst of everyone else.

i try to stay positive, think of the best of others. but sometimes its really hard to do when all people think about is the worst of people. everyone breaks, its just a matter of time before i do. and when i do, who will be there for me?

but then again, even if nobody is there, we just have to pick ourselves up and move on. to all those people out there, stay strong, if for nobody else, then yourself. stay strong and move on. dont give in to anything else. i dont want to cry for another name and a faceless body. love yourself, and carry on, even though its hard.

i hate this society, but we still have to live on.

heyhellohi. we're all going crazy. this post shall mostly be dedicated to people. especially someone. especially seems weird. i think i spelt it wrongly. hmm. my pronounciation is going crazy now of days. damn braces and people with incorrect pronounciations. ._. whatever.

DESIREE
cheer up girl! but i dont think you actually read my blog. tell me if you do, tyvm. :O your a naise person.

SHERRY
thanks a lot for all the times you help me. you are awesome. awesome! nobody will ever match up to you. umm. probably. hahahaha. but who knows. you've been an awesome swat head and friend, even if we're not that close. :D

QIANNONG
this post was mostly because of you actually. hahaha. dont care about your weight all that. it doesnt matter. you can feel bitter about it for awhile, but never forget that IT DOESNT MATTER! you are beautiful, in your own special way. you are one of my bestest friends ever. :D and im being honest here okay. >:D okay. weird emoticon. whatever. hahaha. nobody can judge you for who you are. they can tell you their opinions, or you can think of your own, but in the end, it doesnt matter because you, yourself and you is the most important thing. i think you're really pretty, and i think overly skinny girls are just :O. i like you just the way you are. :D so dont forget how awesome you are. hahaha. okaye. by the way, if anyone ever bullies you, tell meh. cause i will come up with a grand plan of revenge. and it'll work out perfectly. eh. probably. eh. probably not. hahaha. but still, i'll be there for you. :D i think this is so weird. oh well. BE HAPPY YOU HAVE A DEDICATION. I DO NOT LIKE TO WRITE DEDICATIONS.

and i shall stop the dedications here. hahahaha. actually, i shall end with a general dedication.

EVERYONE OUT THERE, YOU ARE AWESOME AND SOMEONE OUT THERE LOVES YOU.
it might not be okay in your life right now, but it will get better. i promise.