gah. today's performance was today screwed up. xinmin students who actually read my blog, vote for me? (: singing was totally :O i shall. record my song soon. since its supposedly a belated qiannong birthday present. haha. it shall be a secret what song i am recording! :D school life is boring. boring boring boring. lalala. oh well. actually theres nothing to post. ._.

its just getting really hard right now. and i think the cracks are showing. my mind is a messed up place to be right now.

oh hello world. i just discovered i was arrowed to be invest deco ic, at the last minute. :O with nothing done by previous ic. i think. oh well. i'll just do my best to do it well. i shall find the previous ic tomorrow and ask him what is going on. haha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLFRIEND. i will surprise you with a surprise that is not on your birthday, therefore it will be more surprising! :D tbh i dont know when im going to surprise you either. spontaneous! :D

i think i'll ask bryan to help me jailbreak my iphone. :O soon i guess. haha. 16GB phone only! later no space left. then i sad. ): haha.

its the first day of school! there is nothing interesting, but tomorrow end at 4. hmmmm. life is boring. but interesting at times.

new friendships, old friendships, a new life.

i have changed my blogskin. i found this one in like, few minutes. o_o which is surprising, cause i usually take days and days to find it. i think this one is a little screwed, but i dont care. i like it.

jamming is fun. ._. but random, and doesnt come cheap. lols. and zane is scared of me.

khasim mysteriously fell sick at qiannongs house, and i bought porridge for him, and he slept alot, so he recoveredish. :O qiannongs house is a conductive environment to sleep. HAHA. we always feel like sleeping when we go over. almost everyone fell asleep/felt sleepy.

steamboat is coming up! :D my mum says i spend more time in school/out than at home, which i think is true. oops. :O not much choice though. haha.

i want to be a therapist when i grow up. then i'll save those people who have nothing to live for. (:

86th post!

been feeling unbelievably dead these few weeks. i have no idea why though.

i have the awesomest friends by the way.

i've handed in the form already, second guessing myself.

what if im not good enough? what if i dont get in?

then i realized, it doesnt matter. i dont have to be exco to do anything.

sigh. it was a miracle i reached home before 6 today.

i realized its not that school ends that late, but that i dont want to be alone.

guess im just that kind of person. i dont like to be alone most of the time, i want to hold someone.

call me corny or whatever, i dont care.

i want to hold someone in my arms and keep them safe.

at times i find myself unbelievably childish, at others incredibly mature.

guess thats just who i am.

i need a hug.

strip them away one by one, till theres no one left.

who will love me then?

85th post. :O

I BROKE ANOTHER BRACE. GAH. AND I JUST GOT IT FIXED. now i have to stay with a broken brace for quite a long time. like a few weeks. i should go back soon, but im too much of a lazy ass. :O oh well. :D



oh hello. tests are amusing. AND IM GETTING EXCITED ABOUT MAH BIRTHDAY. WOOHOO. cause im such a naise person. okay. that had no link at all. :O

i wonder who reads my weird posts. o_o



sec 3 life is indeed different. im getting weirder habits. :O and then i realized something about myself, then i forgot what i realized. oh well.

lady gaga's born this way is awesome. goodnight. HAHA.
NO MATTER GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BI,
LESBIAN, TRANSGENDERED LIFE
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO SURVIVE

i should probably stop writing my blog post in that cryptic kind of style. but im too lazy to do a proper post. hahaha.

today was too hot. amazingly, unawesomely hot. sweated like mad. D:

i spent the day doing nothing productive, as per normal. i have so many ideas, but im too lazy to act on them. haha.

i just wrote my english essay in about 30 mins. :O typed it out to be more specific. 600 words. its random crap anyway. i also split all the recordings, which were supposed to be handed in last thurs. oh well. theres nothing else to hand in tomorrow i think.

i just realized i have recess duty tomorrow and tomorrow tomorrow. :O

my cousin has a new dog. so cute. :D i miss my dog. ):

blargh.

make believe is so much better than reality.
books are a form of escape.
you could pretend to be a character, saving the world.
or it doesnt have to be so grand.
it could be one with a good friend, one you stayed overnight with.
it could be one that has an impossible life.
but when the books end, it just leaves you feeling worse than before.
cause you know that it doesnt exist.
________________________________
cause i may be bad but im perfectly good at it.
sex in the air, i dont care i love the smell of it.
sticks and stones may break my bones,
but chains and whips excite me.

and so it starts.

the forms are out, the beginning so near.

undecisiveness, guilt, stress.

i am undecided.

what will make my decision?

i dont know.

morale is low.

one has left our numbers.

dropping, lower lower lower.

one rose for many people.

one lost, scattered in the wind.

one gone, far away now.

one love, who will never know.

i'll buy that rose tomorrow.

at least i'll satisfy someone.

cryptic, a liar's soul.

whenever you ask.

a lie is easier than telling the truth.

then that rose will arrive.

i'll keep it till its withered and brown.

until its stalk turns brittle.

like i do every year.

lets go crazy darling.
what are you hiding from me?
what causes you to run away?
not that it matters much.
or at least it isnt supposed to.
if you dont expect anything,
you wont be disappointed anymore.
i've been living through it so long.
but it isnt working anymore.
i cant stay so far away anymore.
and my heart just breaks everytime i expect too much.
you dont have to be a lover, to break someone's heart.
it doesnt make sense, but it does, if you understand.
i dont want to hurt.
why are you going away?
its not true, but yet it is.
will you be the one to understand me,
but how can i expect anyone to.
i'm only beginning to understand myself.
darling, wont you stay?
i want to touch, feel, smell.
but you wouldnt understand.
remind me of safety, of home.
smell of shampoo and soap, and of yourself.
it doesnt have to be that way.
im going crazy.
it's about to begin.
this journey to the end.
im not waiting for you anymore.
im stepping onto this road, with you or without.
you'll stll be there, but you wont be on the same path.
the current one isnt good, its falling.
can you understand this?
probably not.
and so the journey begins.
i want you by my side, follow me.
it isnt as complex as you think.
its so much more simple.
warped, dysfunctional, insane.
crazy is definately the word.
i can, but i dont want to.
i dont have to prove myself to you.
find me faithless.

i hate this society.
it makes people bitter, including me.
it creates stereotypes, and prejudice.
it shows too many lies, and hides the truth.
why is it when society decrees that
skinny people are beautiful,
everyone believes it.
why is it when society decress that
gays are abnormal, disgusting,
everyone accepts it.
why does this society throw around words.
fag, gay, bitch, slut, retard, bastard.
why are the people not standing up?
why are the people following this society,
making it worse and worse, and not caring.
this society hurts too many people.
i am a victim, and everyone is one too.
no matter what you say, everyone suffers.
we just dont show it.
i hate this society, and i cry for it.
and i ask myself.
why? why do i let this continue.
what can i do as one person.
and then truth strikes.
there is nothing i can do.

i am a guy. im tall, big, somewhat strong. but i am still human. its not just because im a guy, im not affected. i've been called an asshole, a fag, gay, stupid, fat and many more. and everytime, no matter how i look on the outside, it hurts. i look at myself in photos, in the mirror, and i hate what i see. i have acne, bad breath and im fat. i dont stand straight, my back hurts all the time. and everytime somebody says something like that, it hurts, even if its just a little. i say these things to other people too, with no ill meaning behind them, but sometimes it still gets received badly. and because im such a big guy, everyone thinks i have no problems. all i want is for someone to really ask, and really mean it when they ask me if im fine. to just listen to me while i talk. everyone just asks, are you fine, and when i try to talk, they start talking about themselves. im there for you when you need someone to listen, but when will you listen to me? this society is terrible. people think the worst of everyone else.

i try to stay positive, think of the best of others. but sometimes its really hard to do when all people think about is the worst of people. everyone breaks, its just a matter of time before i do. and when i do, who will be there for me?

but then again, even if nobody is there, we just have to pick ourselves up and move on. to all those people out there, stay strong, if for nobody else, then yourself. stay strong and move on. dont give in to anything else. i dont want to cry for another name and a faceless body. love yourself, and carry on, even though its hard.

i hate this society, but we still have to live on.

heyhellohi. we're all going crazy. this post shall mostly be dedicated to people. especially someone. especially seems weird. i think i spelt it wrongly. hmm. my pronounciation is going crazy now of days. damn braces and people with incorrect pronounciations. ._. whatever.

DESIREE
cheer up girl! but i dont think you actually read my blog. tell me if you do, tyvm. :O your a naise person.

SHERRY
thanks a lot for all the times you help me. you are awesome. awesome! nobody will ever match up to you. umm. probably. hahahaha. but who knows. you've been an awesome swat head and friend, even if we're not that close. :D

QIANNONG
this post was mostly because of you actually. hahaha. dont care about your weight all that. it doesnt matter. you can feel bitter about it for awhile, but never forget that IT DOESNT MATTER! you are beautiful, in your own special way. you are one of my bestest friends ever. :D and im being honest here okay. >:D okay. weird emoticon. whatever. hahaha. nobody can judge you for who you are. they can tell you their opinions, or you can think of your own, but in the end, it doesnt matter because you, yourself and you is the most important thing. i think you're really pretty, and i think overly skinny girls are just :O. i like you just the way you are. :D so dont forget how awesome you are. hahaha. okaye. by the way, if anyone ever bullies you, tell meh. cause i will come up with a grand plan of revenge. and it'll work out perfectly. eh. probably. eh. probably not. hahaha. but still, i'll be there for you. :D i think this is so weird. oh well. BE HAPPY YOU HAVE A DEDICATION. I DO NOT LIKE TO WRITE DEDICATIONS.

and i shall stop the dedications here. hahahaha. actually, i shall end with a general dedication.

EVERYONE OUT THERE, YOU ARE AWESOME AND SOMEONE OUT THERE LOVES YOU.
it might not be okay in your life right now, but it will get better. i promise.

78th post. :O

slowly but surely im starting to blog again. eh. hopefully. hahaha.

this year i bought all jeans only, so i guess whenever i go out, i have to wear jeans, if not my mum will complain, say i never wear. ._.

lit presentation is tomorrow. and we havent done rehearsal for the script either. GAH! :O

sherry if you see this, do you think i should run for exco? :O opinions! i need opinions. hahaha. but i'll probably run anyway. i just want to know what other people think. ._.

investiture at NUS was fun. awkward turtle all the way though. hahahahaha. actually not so bad. and while at investiture, i brainstormed 2 secret ideas for june camp! HAHAHA. :D its a secret. that only a few people shall know. :D awesome. if i can get people to approve it. we shall see.

i should be sleeping now. cause i should rest. cause amaths is terribad. so hard to understand. negativebsquare plusminussquarerootbsquareminustwoab overtwoa. alphabeta completing the square quadratic equation! bleh. amath is evil. heh heh.

its kind of a bad thing, but i hope alot of people fail the physics test. then can retake a easier one. LOL. :O

i think my writing style changed. again. :O oh well. goodnight.

honk, said the car to the boy. it asked angrily, do you want to die?
the boy replied, maybe i do, and continued to walk on.

sec 3 life is hectic. and i think im going crazy.
i think im going to run, no matter what.
but president, really?
im not so sure anymore.
tell me a message.
of sanity and care.
srr duty tomorrow. who is doing with me?
no stock anymore. buy again.
life goes on and on.
i guess i just dont have the mood right now.
sec 3 life is depressing.
new friends are interesting.
they make life more fun.
i wonder how i'll do.
then again, nobody knows.
so we'll continue anyway.
we are who we are.

the car shook its head, and continued on its way.
the boy continued walking,uncaring about the stares he received.

a sinner in despair

sorry i didnt update in so long.
the feeling just isnt there.
and i guess that sometimes what people say is true.
"the people who appear the happiest, go home and cry"
people grow too used to hiding everything.
i bet hardly anyone knew that i was in a bad mood the whole day.
i bet nobody knew that i almost cried this morning.
i wonder if nobody cared, or if i just hide it too well.
probably the latter.
cause i think positively, except when i let myself go.
the only reason i dont tell you is cause i dont want to lose this harmony.
this feeling of contentness.
i think im going crazy.

find me faithless

heyhellohi. its the 74th post. after quite some time. lalala. last post was on christmas eve, which was 6 days ago. :O

ORIENTATION
is taking up alot of my time. ._. going to school almost everyday, but tomorrow and tomorrow tomorrow dont need to. :D cause its the new year. but not everything is done yet. so D: and theres only about 110+ish hours till 6am, on the first day of orientation, when it really starts. and its 2pm right now, so where are the people im meeting. only nerissa is here. :O everyone else, your late! hahahahaha. ok, im not even sure who is supposed to come. and khasim is not replying my message. ._. lalalalalala. so fun. oh wells. im in school now, unless you havent realized yet.

PANTS
i just bought my long pants yesterday. then i tried them today, and i realized i bought them too big. so if i dont wear a belt. they will literally fall. ._. so they look super baggy. D: oh well, good thing is, they probably wont split. at all. :D heh heh. shall look weird. gah.

SICK
i might be falling sick. :O been sneezing the whole morning, and got a bit of a runny nose. and for some reason, these few days im always hungry. though technically that contradicts things. cause when your sick, shouldnt you have a bad appetite? oh well. haha. :D lalala. apparantly denise has banned the orientation comm from eating maggee mee. cause we keep eating. like almost everyday. :O can be for breakfast, lunch or dinner. ho ho ho. so she said we'll be in trouble if she catches us. so, oh well. :D

OH WELL
i keep spamming oh well throughout this post. haha. crazy stuffs. i shall stop now.

I THINK EVERYONE IS EATING NOW. ._.

73! the bus i can take home. :D

CHRISTMAS
is coming soon. really really soon. in 2 and a half hours. :D its christmas eve! at least theres no orientation stuff tomorrow. can stay at home with my beloved family. haha.

ORIENTATION
woohoo. lets see, i'll have to go to school everyday, except tomorrow, 31st, and 1st. :O pretty much everyday i guess. haha. hmm. did the first day of action plan, sent for vetting. weirrrd stuff. needa do media requisition soon. as in, really really soon. oh well. we'll see. my mum understands that i am doing a big event, and thus is not angry that i go out everyday to school. :D woohoo for understanding parents.

I DONT REALLY HAVE MUCH TO POST
so therefore i shall stop after this short post today. :D

lalalala. 72th post! :D

O!
i did it again. i start out almost the same every day. ._. i should find something new. oh well. haha.

SEC 1 REGISTRATION
was. mostly wasting time. HAHA. only the first 2-3 hours then was productive, after that, you only needed a few people. ._. so we basically went out in groups to eat brunch, which i didnt eat. i only drank milk tea! (which by the way the pearl is the smaller one now, which is nicer. :D) im drinking too much milk tea. ._. and i didnt eat breakfast. then cause we were discussing orientation stuffs, i didnt actually eat lunch till 3ish. :O considering how i woke up at 3am, it was quite long. lalalala. overall, was quite fun, but then again, anything with my friends is fun. uh. mostly. haha.

ORIENTATION
is killing me. :O schedule is constantly changing, which is pissing me off, when they say comfirm, then they suddenly change the whole thing. which just screwed up stuff. now mr lui is doing it, so i dont care anymore. i'll just wait for the finished one to come to me, and see how. i realize i've been going to school almost everyday, and for the next 2 weeks, i WILL be going to school practically everyday, more or less. ._. so woohoo. i dont know what we're gonna do about alot of stuff. therefore, me, desiree and jeremiah are going to stay up the whole night (more or less) during SL chalet to do orientation stuff. talk about a good way man. ._. oh! another weird thing is that, whenever me, khasim and whoever get together to do some stuff, to discuss how we're going to edit or do it, like proposal or schedule, somehow i usually end up doing it. which is weird. :O since im sure none of us purposely directs it in anyway. oh well. haha. orientation, orientation. we have something to do everyday, and on our calenders, 4th of jan is marked as DIE! so yeah, whatever. :P

WHIP MAH HAIR
i whip mah hair back and forth. this song is addictive. the kind that will stay in your head, because it has a catchy rhythm, and it isnt that hard to remember. ._." lesson learnt: guys cant have fun, cause you need to have long hair to have fun. how sad. :O

RANDOM CRAP THAT GOES ON, MOST PROBABLY SL STUFF
SLR key is with me! huhuhu. actually its chew's copy,but cause registration need blazer, so i took the key to get the stuff today. so could hang around in SL room, compared to usual in the canteen, which isnt as fun. heh heh. apparantly there are only a few keys in existence, since people borrow the EXCOS keys then lose them. so not all EXCOS have the key. heh. OMG, I HAVE TO REDO THE NOTICEBOARD FOR SLS! its so overdue, i got my idea, but i keep procastinating. gah. D: okay, im bored. so i shall go read a book, and sleep early. :D

just gonna stand there and hear me roar, but thats alright cause im a dinosaur! :D

lalalalala. hmm. 70th. :D

I REALIZED
that i usually start my blog post with hey/hello/hi or lalalala. or some other random crap. :O and there tends to be a smiley somewhere in the first line. heh heh. crazy thingies.

MAH PHONE
my old line is actually still activated, so technically you can still message me, but i dont check that phone very often. so, please please please message me on my new number, unless you dont mind me looking at your message a month late or something. ._. which is hilarious actually. :O in case you think that its a waste of money, i shall explain.

oh, before we start, my iphone is on a DIFFERENT account on m1.

ok, my old number, is bundled with my grandfather's line and my aunt's line. so its 3 lines in 1 account. and M1 has a deal where, if you have 3 lines, you get a 25% discount on all of them! my line cost $25.68, my grandpa's is $25.68, and my aunt's is $201.16 (dont ask me why its so expensive) so all together, we pay $252.52, but with the 25% discount, it would cost $189.39, which is alot cheaper.

lets say i remove my old line, it would be $25.68 + $201.16, with no discount, which would be $226.84.

and out of curiousity, let us calculate how much it would be if i bundled my iphone line, which would be 4 lines, with a 30% discount. which would be $25.68 + $25.68 + $36(iphone) + $201.16, and we pay $288.52, but with a 30% discount, it would cost $201.964, which we shall round down into $201.96.

and you can see, with my line, its cheaper by $37.45 if my line remains, which can be seen by $189.39 vs $226.84. and actually my iphone line would have been cheaper by $23.43 if i bundled it into the other account. :O and you can get this by, $201.96 - $189.39, which would give you $12.57, which is the amount i would pay if i got the 30% discount, vs $36. :O guess i was dumb. but my aunt is a not-so-reliable person that pays on time, and my line has been cut off a few times before. so my mum decided it would be safer under her. so, haha. :D

you can tell how topicless i am, if i decided to take such a huge chunk just for my phone line. ._.

ORIENTATION
i want to whack myself. went through quite a lot of stuff today, and the awesome thing is, i updated the proposal, but it was closed and after we closed it, we realize we didnt save onto the computer, since we had opened it from the email. which is = to no save. which i found out today. so i have to redo the whole thingy. GAH. irritating as heck. D: tomorrow registration, wear blazer whole day, and do other stuff AFTER registration. kill me! nevermind. it'll be over soon. must reach school at 6.30. ._. but i have the SLR key! :D though, its only borrowed, and its chew's key. so if i lose it, i'll die. oh well.

GOODNIGHT PEOPLE.

woohoo. its the 70th post. :D

UPDATE FAIL
for the past few days. sorry for the lack of reading material. i was either out till late, or i was out at night, which is the common time i'll update. its actually more or less the last thing i do before i sleep. :O and i have updated cause i havent updated for a few days and someone reminded me to update. so here i am. :D

SWAT BBQ
was awesome. as per normal. WOOHOO! people say my chicken wings taste nice, and i cook them nicely. :D besides my cooking skills, the kind of fire was important too, so oh well. first time for a bbq that we managed to finish like, all the food. :O except the corn, the corn of course. all in all, i spent $20 on chicken wings, which will be paid by me, and $90 on bbq essentials, which will be repaid! :D $50 of which is already with me. didnt really play many games this time round, but i think it was still good, cause i think just sitting there and talking and eating is good too. i realize that recently almost all the parties i go to i end up bbq-ing. and for quite long. oh well. :O i can cook pretty much most stuff, but i dont like to cook satay. i dont know why. haha. SMALL BLADDER PERSON. xD most people would probably not understand this. inside joke with sherry. :P

CLASS BUFFET
today was awesome. i think zane likes me. later he forget me, for the second time, and that would be sad. oh well. haha. well, sakura is good. but that sakura was at such a weird place. middle of nowhere. haha. food is good, first time to sakura. but my tako balls were all eaten, and i wanted more! D: but i ate like, 7 chawanmushis. which is steamed egg. which is probably alot more egg than im supposed to eat. gah! no egg for the rest of the week. ate tons of random stuff. haha. then we went to plaza sing to talk and just walk around. we watched 2 different programme thingies. toytoy(?) amazon adventure. something like that. and meet and greet yogi bear. toytoy one was hilarious. soldier with tight gold pants make for a big bulge person. hilarious. :D AND THAT AWESOME SPINNING MUSHROOM/CONDOM/JELLYFISH/FLOWER thingy that descended from the top onto the person. yogi bear one was kind of boring. oh well. we were all laughing at the big bulge person. :O i think he should be happy that he was so well endowed. oh well. :D
eventually we settled in at kopitiam, and sat there for over an hour. zane was by now sleeping on zhiyu and qianbong. so i bought a bowl of fishball soup to share with some of them. $4.80 for a big bowl of soup, some fishballs and veggie. :O so we talked randomly, and we ended up playing dai ti in the kopitiam, which was weird. in the end we all scattered and went home. and that was the end.

ORIENTATION
is killer. school is now my second home, even during the holidays, which is just. weirrrd. holidays are weird. oh well. haha. going to school tomorrow, and the day after next, and probably a few more times here and there. oh well. it'll all be over soon. :D

SLB CHALET
will be awesome. hopefully. i shall ignore the black dress code, cause i dont really have alot of black. o_o and therefore i think im going to wear white. and i'm staying overnight. i wonder who else will stay overnight. ): i think i'll bring clothes to shower into at the chalet. probably will shower quickly in the middle of the night or something. :O hmmms. i think i'll end up bbq-ing for abit, but i dont mind, cause i like bbq-ing. linking back to the swatbbq, the smoke from swatbbq made me tear up, like seriously tear until got tears run down my face. :O bad position of me. haha. cant wait for slb chalet! :D

lalala. i think thats all. i shall not ramble on and on and on. :D

woohoo. the 69th post!

Dear 6, Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you guys do some pretty nasty things.
Sincerely, 7.

and this shall be in celebration of my wonderful 69th post. oh well. ._. on to the normal stuff.

tuition
is interesting. due to random little events that happen. i've had the same tuition teacher for a few years already! :D and i got lost on the way there today. i took the bus, dropped at some weird bus stop, decided to just walk in the general direction, and walked for about 30 minutes. i walked for 10 minutes, decided i was lost, spent another 10 minutes walking aimlessly and the last 10 minutes realizing i could use google maps on my phone to help me find my way. ._. so, i found my way there! luckily i went early, so i arrived just in time. :O when i was leaving my grandpa fetched me, so it was alright. but to amuse you further, while waiting, i felt something on my neck. being the person that i am, i touched it, and thus, i discovered that a red ant about 1 cm big had been on my neck and it had migrated onto my hand when i touched it. also being the awesome person that i am, i proceded to freak out slightly, and whack my hand agaisnt the railing of the steps. being the strong ant, it stayed on. i finally cooled down a little, and flicked it off. and i shall stop amusing you.

cupboard
i finally got around to clearing my cupboard to put my new books in. i spent almost 2 hours. :O i had 1 bag full of paper, 3 bags full of rubbish, and a box full of books. ._. so yeah. and i packed my stuff in, and decided to use the extra space that usually occupied rubbish as my bookshelf. and now it has many storybooks in it. i also saw a spider in it, and thus i panicked and whacked it with a book. whats with the bugs and me today. >:

yesterday
was so yesterday. oh well, started out pessimistically-ish, as you can see in the previous blogpost. but eventually got ok. actually, reading it, i dont think i made alot of sense. i went shopping yesterday. i bought 4 shirts for $89.50. :O its cheaper than my usual. haha. and i want more shirts. and i realize all 4 shirts fit me just nicely. so i'll probably outgrow them next year. outgrow as in i grow too fat and then feel self conscious wearing it. :O but i wonder if i'll grow alot more. i wish to hit 185cm tall. and hopefully lose weight, but thats not happening now. ._. oh well, lets go shopping again people. i like that shop and i want to go back. :D -PRAISE-

orientation
is crazy busy. proposal and schedule redoing are soooo fun. ._. oh well. it'll all be over soon. hope it goes well. i shall stay strong. for now. ._.

DEC
is kind of busy. alot of outings. i cant wait for swat outing and sl chalet. :D i hope all swat people go for the outing though. it just isnt the same without everyone. on that topic, i shall play games. if i can find someoe to be my partner-in-crime. people at last years swat outing should know. LOL. i miss all the senior SLs. woohoo. that means you sherry. :D and others too. once again, we're back to using our blogs to communicate, like the other time. do you remember? :O ok, this isnt really related to DEC. ._.

huixin
be strong! i'll be there for you. dont be sad, cause he isnt suffering anymore. we'll all be there for you. STAY STRONG GIRL! i dont really know what to say, cause i dont really think that words can be that comforting. i would rather hold people and just let them cry or talk or w/e. ._. so, i just hug you the next time i see you. :D

ok. this post is long. compared to normal posts. oh well. (:

i think too long of a holiday without anything to do is bad for you.

i have also realized i've been in quite a depressed mood for the past few days. which was why i didnt really update my blog for the past few days. so yeah.

this holiday has made me feel lonely. could be due to reading books about siblings, watching shows that have close siblings. i've never been close to my sisters. gender difference? years difference? 3 sisters, many years difference. 19,23,27.

we hardly talk. we can, but we dont. not anymore. i guess we just grew apart. but isnt that too early? we drifted almost 8 years ago. you had your friends, i never really had mine. but still we never talked. when we needed something, we would ask. it would be awkward sometimes. but still.

19, near but still too far. 27, a child-like innocence. 23, never close. 14, the odd one. one after, the last, but never stayed, lost to the winds. would you have been my friend, baby brother? the close one i could have had? but its too late now. the clock ticks on, and your already gone.

i've been thinking about my life, about me, the past few days. and i realized i didnt know much about myself. so i thought about it, and realized some little reasons behind some of the things i do the most. some of them are probably common, but some of them are just weird. and some of them just end up hurting more after a while.

dont tell me that we'll stay friends forever.
dont tell me that i have a wonderful life. its good enough, but there are still the little things.
dont tell me that just because i have a big house im rich. you dont know the reasons behind it.
dont tell me that just because my family has a few cars i have a good life.
dont tell me that im pampered, cause its just not true.
dont tell me that you'd wish you were me, when sometimes i wished i was somebody else.
but then again, we'd all just be forgotten eventually. lost to the winds, snatched by ghosts of the past.

but then again, if we think about it too much, it'll only hurt more. so why not just let it go? let it drift away. so then again, i dont care. cause their only words. so go ahead, say them all, not that many people will know. anyway, its the little moments that we show we care that really matter anyway. so, its still worth it. (:

for those people that thought i was happy all the time, this should reveal more to you.

lalalala.

TUITION
is in 45 minutes. and i should be getting maths tuition soon too. ._. so i'll have both maths and chinese tuition. woohoo.

SADISM
i think everybody is a sadist. we laugh at people who are going through bad times. fmylife made me laugh like hell. which is sad. but then again, sometimes its really hilarious. so, oh well.

TOPICS
topics topics topics. give me a topic. ._. i have no topics.

ORIENTATION
is in 20 odd days. i have 5 things on my to-do list. some are relatively easy, but some are harder, such as redoing the proposal. ._. its super messy now. so, sigh. and everything should be done by 16th. i shall proceed with everything after my tuition. gahs. raymond and other advisers have advised not to tank everything. but then again, some stuff you cant really do as a group. ._. so, gah.

I HAVE NOTHING INTERESTING TO POST! D:

heyhellohi
2 topics today. one side random topic and one main topic. :D

the random side topic: my blogskin
what do you think of it? i like it, but i think it looks screwed on IE. ): oh well. i shall just keep it. :D ok. that was short. tell me what you think. :D

the main topic: the lovely word known as "fuck"
i dont get it. personally i dont use "fuck". and i never used it before like june this year. i think. and i only use it when im emotionally distressed.

for example, i am super pissed and/or depressed. which is very rare. actually, i havent used it when im pissed yet. mostly when im depressed, but even then, i've only said it a few times.

compared to some people who cant open their mouth without saying fuck once. few people have heard me say it. once when i got shot by the hot glue gun. and it slipped out. evelyn heard that one. ._.

ok, i understand sometimes theres nothing that can fit except a fuck. and dont think wrong, cause i know it sounds wrong. and i know it sounds wrong cause i think wrong. therefore im telling you not to think wrong. but, if you keep using fuck, then it loses its force.

for example, if you drop a glass and it breaks, you say fuck.
when you lose something, you say fuck.
so what do you do when an elephant falls and drops on your foot, you say fuck.
when you get abducted by aliens and their ufo crashes your house into rubble, you say fuck.
if you use fuck for everything, then it doesnt mean anything anymore.

therefore, i recommend that you use it only in emotionally distressing times or when your going crazy or when nobody can hear you. if your alone and nobody can hear you, you can keep saying fuck to the pillow. i dont care.

but some people dont like hearing the word fuck. so keep it to yourself. personally, i dont have a problem with it, but there are people who do. so shut up, and keep your fucks. thank you very much.

if my topic makes no sense to you, then too bad. :D

heyhellohi

NEW BLOGSKIN
yeehaw. i like this one. but i think it looks screwed on IE and FF. but it looks best in chrome and safari. o_o can you drop me a message if you think it looks weird. cause it looks weird on my comp. ok, i think it looks completely screwed in IE. LOL. fail much. ): but i like this skin. this shall be a temporary one. till i find one that i like. which will take a long long time. this skin only looks good in chrome. ._. oh well. weird weird weird. :D oh. and its not smartphone friendly. ):

INTENSIVE
was wonderful. i loved it. :D super fun. i less than three SLB. and the painting of the SLB board and the camp in general has given me inspiration for the SLB noticeboard design! hohoho. was sad that my thumbprint idea failed though. :O therefore it shall be used to the noticeboard. (: lalala. im have procastinated this for so long. intensive was wonderful, but i shall not go and post some long long post about it. it was just awesome, i loved it, and i think the people who planned it were awesome :D. goodjob to the people who did. dance TTM was my favourite activity though. :O camp is general was awesome, best camp i've been to yet, good for bonding, but tiring though. :O i have been repeating how awesome the camp is. i shall stop now. :D

OUTING
today was good, not too boring. randomed all over the place, have learnt that NEX is still packed, and movie theatre there should book tickets, or buy super early. ._. so oh well. black pepper chicken from KFC is nice. you should try it. :D but for people who dont like black pepper, dont try, cause the taste is kinda strong. actually mostly its on the skin. so up to you. :O

BLOGS
for my seniors in SLB, i only know colins, sherrys and a recently discovered lionel lorks. ._. why are seniors blogs so hard to find. LOL. D:

sorry, few days no post. :O

barbeques
are fun. i spent most of xinying's party barbequeing. :D i barbeque nicely ok. not burnt, not undercooked either. i took almost an hour to cook 2 chicken wings. ._. but they were good, and so not burnt. :D desiree's barbeque was fun, but i didnt barbeque for that one.

games
i have spent $3.98 on 2 apps. ._. i shall. maybe buy more. but not alot more. haha. :D amateur surgeon is fun. so awesome. but somewhat violent and sadistic. :O

i dont actually have anything to post. ._.
oh well. intensive is tomorrow! i have to pack today! i have no poncho. oh well. ._. failed. sad sad sad. haha.

63rd post!

classes
next year are weird. there is 1 triple science class, 2 mixed triple and double science classes, 3 double science classes, and 1 combine. i am in the combine, which is 307. which sounds weird to me. ._. i am alone in my new class! i shall know kaely. haha. :D too late to regret anything now. ok. i will regret it, just not right now. i'll just have to see how my new class is like. haha. maybe i'll be an outcast! :O oh well

meetings
meetings meetings. ._. i think i'm spending alot of time in school recently. haha. orientation takes alot of time yeah. next year shall be interesting. i hope orientation goes well. there is another meeting with chew tomorrow, but only main 6 people. :O actually, i think i would like to be in june camp comm next year, cause i think it'd be interesting to plan a camp, but hard. so i dont know. + i might be an AC facil. so we shall see! ._.

depression
inside shall be drown out with loud music. loud, maxed volume music. so if you see me going around with loud music, dont question it. i think im going to go deaf sooner or later. aaahhh. ._.

lalala. i shall stop here.

heyhellohi.

blogger
i wanted to type on my iphone yesterday, but it failed. ._. oh well. i realize that scroll bars do not exist on iphones. ._. which is fail. my own blog is not iphone friendly. ): are all smartphones like that? oh well

songs
on my iphone are obviously biased. most songs are around 20 plays , or even less than that, depending on how much i like that song. lucifer has 43 plays. :O haha. xD the closest plays is 30. ._. haha. oh wells.

banananana
facebook doesnt like me anymore. my games arent loading. my backyard monsters. whyyyy? D: and my bush whacker. i think im going to get killed in backyard monsters. ._. oh well.

lalalalala. stop.

my first double post in a day! :O

iphone
dumb dumb peixuan locked mah iphone for a total of 81 minutes yesterday. LOSER. go away. D:
most people use their iphones to play games, i use mine to surf the net. :D woohoo.

song are fun
THIS is awesome. :D

i have suddenly run out of topics. this post seems to be redundant. ._. oh well. "POST!":D

60th post! :D

lucifer
is hard to dance. half an hour and i cant get the first 20 seconds right. too fast! D: i think i need step by step. haha. or maybe im just not cut out to be a dancer. :P i shall give up this project for now. i will continue sometime. in the far future. HAHA. :D

bored
theres nothing to do. nothing to do. i think i'll go write my fanfic. chapter 2! :O woohoo. should occupy me for an hour or so. :D

internet connection
in my room is not as fast as in my living room. ): bleh. but i dont feel like going down. cause the sun is too bright. :D

bleh bleh bleh. this is a boring post. maybe i'll post again later.

heyhellohi!

dancing
i shall learn how to dance lucifer! probably not a good song to start learning how to dance with, as its oh-so-fast. ._. i shall at least try to get the first 1 minuteish of the video tomorrow. haha. :D i shall spend tomorrow looking at the mirrored version and learning how to dance. :D gah. even looking at a slow version, its so hard to catch. so hard to remember since when you try to dance to the actual song, its sooo much faster. haha. oh well. shall see how tomorrow. :D qixuan tried to teach me, but i couldnt grasp it, and we only spent a minute or two on it. after that we tried to remember down. can remember, but i think we forgot a small part of a step. cause it seems weird. oh well. :D

NEX
is kind of huge. but walkways are not very big. smaller than vivo. but not bad overall. just, the layout of the place is kind of confusing. and not all the shops are open. :O

saw
kuanyung and wyekit. :D nice to see them after such a long time. not that close of a friend with them though. thinking back, i wasnt actually close to alot of people during primary school. people i am close to in secondary school, TREASURE ME. :D ok, that was thick-skinned. haha. i dont care.

i am bored. therefore i shall spend tomorrow dancing. if something doesnt suddenly crop up. haha. lalala. i should seriously stop walking in the rain. i think i will fall sick again. then i'll sicken and die. oh well. i am in a good mood. i like shark in the water. oh well. :D GOODNIGHT PEOPLE!

banananananana. today was boring. my hair got cut off. :O

boredom
can make people do many things. i read finish a 251 page book in a few hours. then got bored, made a formspring, and felt like reading another book. started the first chapter, then got bored again. then i wrote a random fanfic and posted it up somewhere. if you find it, and discover what it is, you probably wont know its me. cause it doesnt have my name at all! HAHAHA. then i started singing random songs. i cant hit the notes anymore! :O sad, sad.

sing
so i shall sing with huixin and qiannong, can we decide what song to sing, so can practice? LOL. btw, who has the thingies to record anyway. ._. oh well. would help to pass time anyway.

notes
i have discovered this is useful for lyrics use. i have also discovered a faster way rather than to type one word by one word into iphone. ): but i got too bored of getting lyrics, so i ended up with only 4 song lyrics. lalala. :O

formspring
if you have time, go ask me stuff. i need things to pass my time.

my number
has changed, in case you havent realized. i shall not disclose my new number here, later i get stalked by people. if you want my new number, you can message my old phone, but i dont check often. so you can wait. :D

lalallalal.my hair is short now. bleh. wanted to grow it long, but then again, mother was did not allow me to. she also did not allow me to dye my hair. she did however, ask me if i wanted to change school. ._.

BABY THERES A SHARK IN THE WATER
THERES SOMETHING UNDERNEATH MY BED
why would a shark be under your bed? ._.

ohwell. interesting stuff. :D

HELLO! random fact spammage. :O

1 in 12 people have sex in their sleep. It's called "sexsomnia".
:O IT IS AN ACTUALLY DISEASE! so people have sex in their sleep. it includes masturbation, sex, fondling etc etc. and apparantly it can be used as a defence in a rape case! cause sometimes its really unintentional. apparantly this is a kind of sleepworking. quite hilarious i think. :D

this song is quite lol.
THIS is a mashup of tiktok and california girls :O amusing.

this person tricks people into drinking his semen
THIS is one evil dude. so many upskirts also. dont learn from him. LOL. AND HE WAS A CIVILIAN OFFICER. OH MY! :O quite hilarious. me and my mom were laughing at him.

this vid
THIS is a weird advertisement. and somewhat disturbing. ._.

lala
missed openhouse cause im sick. ): coughing fits make me feel like puking. and for some reason, i taste bitter. as in, my fingers all that. dont ask me why i was licking myself.

BAWHDOFASDFOASDFAASD
ok. nothing else to add. too lazy to add actually. i shall go shower. heh heh. goodday.

56th post.

typing style
someone has said that my typing style changes when im angry or depressed. hmm. ._. apparantly when im angry i type faster, and tend to have more typos and there will be complete punctuation. for some weird reason. and it would be in complete sentences. either that or if im in a really bad mood i'll just type in really short, clipped sentences. ._. oh well. weird habits. I AM A PERSON OF WEIRD HABITS

toothless
i think i'll turn up with no teeth. either that or my braces are pushing my teeth around. heh heh. i dont like it when i just change my braces. doesnt feel nice.

sick
sick sick sick. i think im falling sick sick sick sick sick. coughing like mad the whole day. runny nose, almost vomited a few times. so i have no idea if i can still go for open house tomorrow. but how to find sub at this kind of time. if i need one. i wonder if i can just grab a person that's the morning one. oh well. im going to end up coughing myself to death. woohoo.

topics
topics topics. i have no topics. give me a topic, any topic. and no, i'm not going to repeat gay rights. :O i'll pick topics. IF YOU ACTUALLY GIVE ME TOPICS! :O

christina grimmie
rocks. (: though i think if she had better audio/video equiptment she'd be awesome. :D been following her for quite awhile.

im pretty sure my voice is breaking. mmhmm. HAH PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT I BROKE MY VOICE ALREADY! YOU WERE WRONG. HAHAHAHAHA. which would mean my voice will end up even lower than this. ._. oh well.

oh. my appeal failed. due to maths being terrible. and i had a very interesting discussion with my mother. on xinmin. and considered just changing schools. cause if i just change schools, i could most probably enter into a triple science. so yeah. had thoughts on that. haha. i think some of my primary school friends are changing schools because of this also. i actually had a discussion with my sisters and mother about this. which is rare. hmm. ._. oh well. we also had thoughts of xinmin that would probably not be wise to put here, due to the fact i might be found out and accused of slander etc etc. ._.

my mom was awesome though. i think it was mr lim who called her. so she got angry and she said :"so basically your just telling me that i cant do anything about it." cause they say also cannot change already blah blah blah. my mom is awesome. she supports me. (: i think the changing school thing is interesting though. thinking about it but yeah. you know.

oh well. i has new view of xinmin now! :D

blah blah blah. i think this is my 54th post. ._.

rain
i was walking home today and i probably should have at least tried to avoid the rain. ._. however, being the person that i am, chose to slowly walk through the rain, seeking no shelter whatsoever and purposely walking in the rain. i even had the time to look at the rain clouds. i think some other people thought i was crazy. oh well. i like the rain. however, i dont think it was the best idea, and i think i'm going to fall sick again. oh well, too late to change anything.

PSLE results
are out! apparantly the highest score this year is 278. i think. i wonder how many of my primary school people are going to come to xinmin. i doubt many of them will. i think mostly will go zhonghua etc etc. hmm. ._.

dental
my braces are now red. woohoo. cause i randomly picked a colour, and it ended up red. like bloody red. woohoo.

earpieces
i think i should stop twirling them. i kept twirling and twisting and bending my old LG ones and they ended up dead. ._. i think if i keep doing this, my apple ones are going to die too. ._. that would not be very good. but i cant help myself. subconscious bad habit! psh!

gradnight photos
are fun to look at. cause i get to see my seniors if they were to dress glamly. :O quite interesting. heh heh. btw sherry, as you read this blog, i shall compliment your dress. nice dress. :D ok. that was so random. haha.

lalala. cant really think of more topics. im still reading random books on my iphone. i think my iphone is not so much for games, but more to satisfy my love of reading. :D though searching for pdf files of books online is quite troublesome. ._. and some of them have weird typos and format. lol.

fanfic
is interesting. if i end up bored enough, i think i'll write my own one. somehow i think fanfics are mostly written by girls. hmmm. ._. oh well. i shall break the stereotypes. thank you very much.
the end. (:

REGRETS
regrets are so common, yet unavoidable. well. most of the time anyway. in retrospect, actually quite avoidable, just that we as people are too stupid. suddenly i feel damn nostalgic. now, i regret leaving YCSOG. not that anyone from YCSOG reads my blog. or anyone out there that actually knows about YCSOG. haha. go find out yourself, if your really that bored. i look back, and i miss the time i spent together with those guys. now, i see little bits of info and pictures of them now, with new members, new people, old people, new memories. and i'm not there with them, like the past. and then now i wonder, what would it be like if i never left? im pretty sure i would have rised through the ranks, at least for a certain point. but then again, who knows. anyway, its not like i can go waltzing back after so long. i miss them. sigh. but then again, i dont think they miss me, i dont think they even think of me, unless they actually see me, which i hardly do. sigh. looking through old photos of overseas trips together. camps, australia, japan, performances. out of my original batch of 10+, theres only 2 left. and i regret leaving them alone. guess i never really put in the effort. i also just realized, i still have access to YCSOG forums. haha.. guess regretting it doesnt make a difference. even if i wanted to rejoin, i dont think i will be allowed to. so thats that.

linked to this topic, think about who you're talking to before you say something that could hurt that person. it might not be offensive to other people, but it could cut the person deeply if you say something without thinking. so think it through and dont regret it.

people, make the right decision, no matter how hard. dont give it only to regret it later.

hello lovely ones.

class 204
is random. and loved. and the class blog was randomly updated. sorry, this just randomly popped into my head. :O

behkhasim
has amused me the whole day. :D orientation meeting we keep saying the same thing at the same time, then other people laughing at us. :O after that we had a random chitchat with raymond about stuff then went to buy food back, and bought food for liya too, though it got cold cause she only ate it like, 2 hours later. D: anyway, me and khasim were randomly watching one piece and i never actually watched it, so suddenly skipping to episode 450+ was quite lol. evelyn was spamming some of my iphone games to pass time. khasim amused me with this wonderful sentence "me no kuku" in response to my "you kuku". when he said it, me and evelyn looked at each other then laughed like hell, and liya was laughing at the back. khasim was like, stunned, then he thought about what he said for awhile, then he was like WTH. then he just ignore us and continue watching one piece. :D then after that, evelyn was like "ME NOT KUKU" at khasim's face and he quickly replied "我给你一粒啊!" which translated would mean, i give you one ball. so at this point, me and evelyn were laughing again. then he angry again, just ignore us. SO DAMN FUNNY. YOU HAVE BRIGHTENED MY DAY! :D

lucifer
in keeping up with my recent kpop fad, i mostly listen to kpop songs on my phone. and the most played song is lucifer, with 24 plays. :O compared to the rest, its alot, cause the rest is like, around 10 or less than that. :O so yay for shinee. haha. you realize you mostly see fangirls, you dont really see fanboys. hmmm. :O

tuition
in a long time, i will have tuition again. tomorrow! which is oh-so-awesome since i haven't dont my homework. D: lalala.

i am randoming here. i like christina grimmie. ;D her covers are good. and i shall end here. cause i dont want to random too much. haha.

lalalalalala. im so bored. :O

bass or baritone?
due to random searching on wiki, i somehow ended up at the vocal classification thingy. :O i think that i'm a bass. at the very most a baritone. :O but i dont sound low to myself. but then again, what do i actually know about this. :O as far as i know, my pitching is terrible. haha.

orientation
meeting today was kind of fail. it was just fail. oh well. at least i got to eat my chicken after that. :D busy busy busy, theres another meeting tomorrow!

this
song makes me happy. :D its in my head~

i have spent today doing pointless and useless stuff! woohoo. im almost done reading my half-blood prince. :O this is a short post!

my 51th post! :O somehow it seems like really little. ;O

im really having no topics to talk about. D:

sigh. blogs all around are dyingish.

at least, class people who blog are. :o

and im bored.

and sick.

i think i fall sick more often now too.

nothing to do.

i think this blog post is random.

i shall go read my harry potter. goodbye.

hello. i dont think i've been updating cause theres not much to update. therefore, i shall find some interesting things to update. ._.

GOOGLE
is awesome. cause google says justin bieber is female. :D this can be seen when you google top 50 women. #7 is justin bieber. :D but its true though. google is more used than anything else. i mean, you dont hear people, "lets yahoo it", or "lets bing it". ._. its always "lets google it". suddenly i wonder if lets is actually a word. :O oh well. proves google is awesome. :D

IPHONE
is charging now. i charge it everyday. :D most probably because i deplete battery insanely fast due to my internet spammage. peixuan, i want the apps. D: BRING YOUR LAPTOP TO BOWLING TOMORROW! LOL! :D wheee. i just read finish the deathly hallows on my iphone. stayed up till 11 to read finish. :O i shall go backwards. i shall find a half-blood prince one to read. :D maybe after i charge my iphone to full batt. ._.

QIANRENYAN
thousand people smoke. :D thousand people drown also can. :D just pronounce the "yan" differently. woohoo. lovely. from 11am - 11pm. WOOPEE. and i miss a awesome dinner with my mothers company. cause of this. 12 hours worth of stuff. i shall console myself that this will whack a few solid hours of cip into my cca. ._.

DUNKIN DONUTS
i like. i have spent approx $6 on donuts and $5.20 on popiah in the past 3 days. ._. and its not exactly my main meal. so, i have been overspending insanely. haha. D:

HIGH MAINTAINENCE BABY
apparently my mother says i am. everytime also take money. heh heh. keep going out. :O they should stop comparing now to last time where a bowl of plain noodles was 10 cents. i also just realize, theres no cents sign on the keyboard. :O

SLB
is a place for good fun and love. :D

AND THE SINGAPORE-MALAYSIA CAMP IS CANCELLED. WOOHOO. :D lalala. im bored. i dont know what to eat for breakfast. D: theres nothing much to eat. i think i'll go cook maggee mee. :O

well. thats all for today. random topics, but i dont think their very interesting. :O

hello! updating a little early today, cause im just that bored.

subject combi
i shall not talk about this, cause its boring. in case anyone wants to know, im a 1BE, appealing for a 2pB.

horoscope
PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Likes to be the center of attention. Very organized. High appeal to opposite sex. Likes to have the last word. Good to find, but hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. VERY caring. They always try to do the right thing and sometimes gets the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and get hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good sense of humor!!! Thoughtful. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but needs to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be.
i likey. i realize most horoscopes are accurate (for me anyway) except for those hilarious ones that are completely off. :O and most say creative/dreamy or what. so based on my horoscope, TREASURE ME! LOL! :D

gay

i agree. ._. why is gay a description of random stuff that you dont like? though. the ice cream part was just hilarious. (:

love language

and this is a really touching video. (:

cookie dozer
is addictive. :O i think i spent hours on it today. :D cause im just that bored. lalala. hmm. i shall go be bored and surf youtube. :D

i like mayonaise. :D

48th i think. back after a few days. haha.

class chalet was awesomest. but it felt like it passed so fast. probably because i missed the start. :O spammed food, but didnt manage to finish everything. ): bbqs are irritating to plan, either too much or too little food. oh well. random games and talks to keep memories of. and some discoveration that my heart sometimes speeds up when i think of someone. :o or its just that my heart beats really fast all the time. ._. oh well. still awesome. i wont forget the night. i only slept an hour at 6am. :O other than that, didnt really sleep. just now at qiannong's house, drifted abit, but never really fell asleep. so i've been running on like, 1 hour of sleep. :O but surprising i dont feel tired. which proves that i can do things when i feel like it. HAH. i just like to sleep early. its a good habit. (: i realize this paragraph is messy. oh well. :D

i want more chalets. i want to stay overnight with friends. :D fun, joy and laughter. and people telling us to keep quiet. LOL. oh well. i dont really feel like updating now. not in a very updatish mood.

hey you, yes you. smile, cause you're just that much nicer when you do. (:

47! hi my darlings. sorry i didnt update recently. saturday cause i was out and about, and sunday is today! :D

I GOT MY IPHONE 4! :D
i am happy. cause i likey. $500 for a phone. and my mother doesnt allow me to buy $0.99 apps. cause she dont want me to play games. LOL~ oh well. surfing the net on the go is good too. i have discovered something, that youtube outside is kind of lousy. cause although its HD, it turns out all squiggly. i think its cause i never connect wifi, just run on 3G. but, loads SLOWLY. haha. however, downloading videos gives good quality. depending on quality of video in the first place of course. haha. :D

lalala. CLASS CHALET IS TOMORROW. luck fire luck shall commence. heh heh. should be fun. rehearsal, you suck. you should just die and disappear from this earth. and never come back. FOREVER! :D qian ren yan. go away! ): why you must be on my class chalet day. D: at least im staying overnight! hope i dont miss the fun bits. :D

i have discovered. my blogskin is not user friendly on iphone. for some reason, the scroll bar disappears, so you cant see below what is seen. and if your not careful, you'll push the text to the side and the WHOLE thing disappears. which is damn fail. maybe i should get a new blogskin, for those smartphone people. :D

i think i'm the only one in class with a iphone 4. :O oh well. iphones bluetooth is redundant. HAHA. and i shall say this, im not rich. im more fortunate than most, and i know that. but im not rich. rich in our world refers to people who drive around in fancy sport cars yakking non stop into shiny pristine phones studded with diamonds and what not and live in huge mansions that could house a hundred people. and throw a party for thousands. ._.

hello. this shall be a message to everybody out there.

you are beautiful no matter what people say.
be proud of yourself and keep holding on.
cause it will get better, no matter what.
even when it seems like everything is going wrong.
it will get better.
so believe in yourself, and dont EVER let someone else tell you otherwise.
even when you lose faith in yourself, even when you dont believe anything else.
know that someone out there cares about you,
even when it seems like nobody cares.
your life is worth living.
cause you are wonderful.
and dont ever forget that.

if you ever need a shoulder to lean on, somebody to talk to, or just someone to listen to you. tell me.

45th post! :D

i ish looking forward to mah iphone on sat. :D hopefully. ._. i has downloaded 87 songs! to put into iphone. :D i think more than half is like, kpop. ._. i shall. download more songs over the next few days! :D hopefully will have more songs. but i dont really know what else to put in~ lalalalala. i want my iphone! :D i have decided to legally buy all the games. HAHA. phone bill, explode! :D

i am looking forward to class chalet. :D it is tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow. :D monday! but i have rehearsal from 2-7. so if i include travelling time, i wont be at the chalet from 1-8. ._.i think. WHICH IS DUMB LAH. i feel like. playing luck fire luck. which is a game i got from hello baby. :O i think its DAMN FUNNY. and fun. :D i shall not explain the game. just that well. i'll buy my own stuff. if nobody plays, i'll wait till someone falls asleep then put in your mouth. :D lets just say it'll be fun. :D but i think will have people play. haha. lalalala. i think after i go back to the chalet i'll bathe. ._. then i'll hog the toilet. LOL. then people, need pee, you can go pee in the bushes. :D

i am bored. bored. bored. bored. bored. tomorrow has rehearsal. i think it'll be boring. AND WHY ARE THE SEC 4's FOR NEXT YEAR STEPPING DOWN IN FEB. OMG. ITS LIKE, SUPER EARLY! :O i wonder if i'll get some weird position in my cca. ._. i think i will. oh well~

yesterday was fun. :O i forgot how fun cycling is. cycling is goooood. and the playground was interesting. :D yep yep. hummeh hummeh. lalalalala. i'm missing so much of the class chalet. D: but yesterday was fun. yoghurt was sour. must eat with other stuff, then wont sour. ._. i need stories to read. ._. lalala.

i've been having a huge variety of dreams. such as, me killing alot of people. me looking completely different and i was singing on a stage. :O me with someone. me being someone else. and some other weird stuff.

i think korea bands seem more fun. their like, always in a group. and they all seem really close. whereas western singers are mostly solo. which i think is kind of sad and lonely. sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be born somewhere else! :O i think korea would be interesting. japan too. :O i like korea's system. (:

our love should go on, i still love you

lalala. 44th post.

i have discovered
that understanding something and feeling about it is completely different. like how you could understand something, but you still feel about it, even when you know its irrational and cant be helped. dont you think life would be easier if we were amoebas? ._.

i likey
kpop. recently i started listening to A LOT of kpop. especially from shinee. hmm. shinee is good. i like their songs. kpop is nice. even though i cant understand. i think the beats are nice. lalalalala. when i get my iphone i shall download tons of songs. (:
WHEN I GET MY IPHONE! ._.

i want
my iphone now. immediately. hmph. was supposed to get it 2 weeks ago. then push off and push off. i want it by this weekend. D: then i can use to listen songs during class chalet. my current phone hard to download songs. ._. so i want a iphone. though i think it would be EASIER. ._. think. bleh. i also want a new dog. a big one. a big fluffy, friendly one. then the house wouldn't be so quiet and lonely anymore. sigh.

i also realize
when im in a bad mood, i look especially in a good mood. which is weird. sometimes i show it, but its not very common. most of the times, i end up looking like i'm on a high. when im actually in a terrible mood. i bottle it too much i guess. which proves my point that i do not express myself easily. so if i tell you i like you or i hate you, i would probably mean it. um. if im not joking. then again, how would you know? :O bad moods are becoming more common. bad mood meaning either kind of irritated ish or depressed. mostly both at the same time. i didn't use to feel like that. teenage blues? maybe. ._.

i also likey
sleep. i understand why my sister slept so much when she was my age last time. sleep feels good. though i still keep a 8 hour sleeping cycle. at least! ._. i've been sleeping later and waking later recently. ._. late-ish as in 10ish. later as in, 7 ish. ._. which is not really a big diff, haha. but i feel like sleeping more in the day though. which is super rare for me. in the past. now i always feel like sleeping. ._. or it could be because im sickish recently. i dont think i actually recovered from the class dinner time. ._. more like, it fades and come back. on and off. grandparents are asking me to go see doctor, but yeah. ._.

ohwell. her whisper is the lucifer. :D in a better mood. saw the person i like today. cause be partly a reason. :D but then again, i mood swing much. :D

and 43 has arrived. sigh. im still in a sad mood. sigh. no idea why. and if you somehow manage to irritate me, i will fig you.

i can only get my iphone earliest next week. ): cause the line is bundle, then under my aunt, who registered under my grandpa, so if i cancle my line and make a new line under my mother then some thingy will be gone. then need check with the m1 people, and i can only buy with my parents on weekend. so next weekend. and after next weekend is class chalet. whoopee. i realize how through typing moods are easily concealed. sarcasm isnt very obvious too. especially the subtle ones.

i dont want to be me. i dont like me and i dont like my life. i want to be somebody else. or grow older. older as in 18 ish or 20ish. then i'll be free-er. i wanna be somebody else. gah.

and i still wonder what happens to rockstars. they cant release albums till they're 50 or something. like, how long will a group last? after that, what do they do? entertainment? acting? you realize how after a few years, a group tends to die off. oh well. i probably wont find out.

and i realize singapore, as an artist producer, doesnt really work. if we want to get famous, we probably have to go far far away. i wonder how singaporean english singers appear. where do they go? if they sing chinese, they can go to taiwan. where do the english ones go? somehow, i think chinese/korean/japan seem more famous. their lives seem more. just more. i think the language sounds better than english. maybe i'll learn korean or japanese when i go older and migrate and just disappear.

cause life doesnt go the way you want.

42nd post. i've been in a really bad mood recently. consider yourself warned. i have also decided i dont like this world. this post shall be about stuff that is. something.

i seriously dont get why people are so uptight over celebs getting into relationships and start hating on them. for example, jonghyun and that random girl whose name i dont really know. i seriously dont get it. jonghyun is a normal person too. albeit a famous one. so he should have his own chance at romance. and YOU will definitely not even get to talk to him, let alone get into a relationship. so why do people start hating the person even when you've been saying you support him oh-so-much. hypocrites and liars that just jump onto the bandwagon when the going is good. assholes. SO PEOPLE WHO CLAIM YOU SUPPORT YOUR IDOLS, AND YOU SUDDENLY START HATING CAUSE OF SOME DUMB SCANDAL OR REASON, YOUR A HYPOCRITE AND AN ASSHOLE. that is all. sorry if this has offended you.

i dont like how life shows you the sweeter parts of life, that you realize you cant even taste it, or at most catch another glimpse. you realize, sometimes, no matter how people say to dream big, nothing is impossible. there are things that you simply cannot do. for example, although i kind of really want to be a singer, i highly doubt i'll make it, cause one, i think im ugly. and two, my voice isnt spectacular. in fact, its kind of common. at least. i think it is. so i would most probably not make it. and i dont really want to be anything else. but you see, dreaming big doesnt work all the time. and then. it just doesnt work. so there.

i also wonder, after a rockstar is going out of the famous limelight, what happens to them? do they go back to normal lives? do they just carry on, with enough money to last them a lifetime? for example, when will shinee stop being famous? you cant expect them to be famous till they're 50 or something. they'll probably just fade away after a few years. then what? what will they do? will they just break apart and go their seperate ways? will they be the ones you see in the street, walking around? will the somebody become a nobody again? i wonder.

sigh. cause the forbidden is always the most tempting.

cause life isnt a party,
and forever doesnt last.
never-ending doesnt exist,
and everything goes fast.

cause time doesnt wait,
and life never stops.
when the trees finally die,
and all the leaves drop.

cause treasured memories
spin and disappear.
when everything is gone,
even those you hold dear.

you'll hold regret,
and start to cry.
the world would end,
and no birds would fly.

and when the last turns to dust.
and nothing is left but sand.
there wouldn't be anyone left to cry.
and so it would end.
copyright wenzhi

its my 40th post! and i just noticed that i have a follower! :O

angler fishies
are sad. especially male ones. and due to me commenting that on that, my friends are interested in why. namely, xianghao and peixuan and qixuan. HERE is a link. click on it and read it, then you'll know why. :D

rocky horror show
thanks for inviting me sherry, but expensive tickets. almost $70! :O but thinking of it, can i actually watch? no age limit? :O surprise surprise. rocky horror seems to have so much maturity in it. have to ask mummy if she lets me go, translation, can i have moneh? :D

blogskins
i feel like changing it! but i cant really find one that i like. and its the most hated thing for me. bleh. so we shall see. i wanna change~ but none that i like~

i
shall now go tidy up the minutes i took just now. ._. goodnight.

heyhellohi. this is already the 39th post. :D

i have decided
HOLIDAYS ARE BORING. there is absolutely nothing to do. and im going to die of boredom before school starts again. D:
i however, have weird stuff appearing during my holiday schedule. such as 3 camps. also known as
-DESEB camp (is it actually still on? cause theres only like 11 more days? and it wasnt actually comfirmed. either that or nobody told me. ._. ) 11-12 nov
-weird thingy camp i got nominated by mr lui by. :O 22-26 nov.
-intensive 6-9 dec i think.
:O one of the more camp intensive holidays. usually only have 1 or 2. :O

204 is awesome
and apparantly other classes are jealous of us. cause we're that awesome and we have so many outings and we are oh-so-bonded. I LAUGH AT YOU! HAHAHAHAHA. no im not so mean. (: or am i?:D tomorrow have another one, class chalet in about 14 more days, more getting planned. :D

grandmama
does not believe that i managed to fill more than half the dustin with my tissue paper. :D due to my not-so-awesome runny nose. i realize if i fall sick, i fall really sick and STAY sick for a few days. the few days one is most likely runny nose + cough + sore throat. guh. havent felt like that in forever. khasim thinks my voice sounds funny. in what way though? i shall ask. i think it sounds deeper. if someones tell me its me breaking voice, i will slap your ass. :D i dont think breaking voice involves a sore throat and insane coughing. huhuhu.

are fishballs
actually made of fish? does it mean people mush fishies up and roll them up so we can eat fishballs? ._. WHAT ABOUT THE BONES. OMG. OR THE EYE BALLS. OMG. SO GROSS. i do not like fish eyeballs. which is why i dont like to eat fish that is not already cut up. i do not like to see their fishy faces staringat me and screaming silently. it is disturbing.

katy perry
is my new artiste fad. :D i feel like buying teenage dream. cause apparantly if you open it, you can smell COTTON CANDY! OMG. so cool. :D and i like her awesome songs. like fireworks, cause its inspirational and supports gays. like peacock cause its just awesome. and circle the drain cause its also awesome. here are awesome lyrics.
-you fall asleep during foreplay, cause the pills you take are more your forte
-dont be a shy kinda guy, i bet its beautiful/come on baby let me see what you're hiding underneath
-lets go all the way tonight, no regrets
-your original, cannot be replaced
i like her new songs. cause they so goood. :D

i think i had more topics
but i just cant remember them right now. oh yeah. i am happy that i am seeing more gay supportive videos now. :D and some awesome videos feature gay people. :D

and i shall stop here. actually im thinking of multiple posts in a day, but we'll see. :O

ITS MY 38TH POST! :O i apologize for the non-updatedness for the past few days. but better than somebody! last post:2010年9月14日. :O UPDATE LAH KHASIM. ok. i highly doubt you even read my blog. ._.

i was sick
yesterday, and yesterday yesterday. yesterday yesterday was just a sore throat, with a killer cough and painful ness. then because i got into the rain and was not taking care of myself at class dinner, yesterday i had a fever/sore throat/coughing/runny nose/ headache. and i headache the whole day! D: killing me. i has not felt this sick since ever. D: then i want sleep, but too restless, so cannot. today seems ok though. still abit of sore throat and cough.

iPhone4
is gonna be my new phone! :D like yay. but im only going to buy next week. so w/e. :D i ish happy!

CAUSE BABY YOUR A FIREWORK
yeah. i likey fireworks. the video is so goood. good as in OMG IT MADE ME CRY. yeah. its so inspirational. i still dont get what the fuss over the gay kiss is about. i think its ok, i think its actually good that katy perry is showing the world how gay people need more confidence. ok, something like that. i dont know how to explain it. ._. GO AWAY HOMOPHOBES. WE DONT NEED YOU! :D

i shall end here. oh btw, class dinner was the bestest :D

somehow
it isnt that sad. i dont think it hit yet. maybe i'll cry overnight at the class chalet. or maybe i'll live in self-denial. still, i will miss this class. epicly loud and annoying class, but somehow still together as one. due to me having the camera, my facebook is getting spammed by notifications after i uploaded the photos. which is why i'm not on facebook right now. tomorrow is class dinner. so weird. i might wear class tee. with a sticky cap. cause its the only cap i have and i havent actually worn it yet. cause im just that bored. and i dont know what else to wear. well, we'll see. (:

my headphones
have officially died. which is like. so sad. now the left side completely no sound. and the right only got sound if you hold the connection at some weird angle. which i cant possibly hold. so i need new earpieces!

iphone4!
i want. but i dont know if my handphone plan is going to end soon. it should end soon, but not sure when. hmm. i should be getting an iphone. unless my mother randomly decides not to give me an iphone. D: but i wants. but we dont always get what we want. so oh well.

i read
a random story. which is depressing but true i guess. it was a fiction on how we as humans, and as the lower ones on the chain of command, how we have no choice but to keep quiet about what bad the uppers do to us. on how the uppers push off work to us, and we have no choice but to accept it with a fake smile and carry on. and also on how a person can be so close to cracking but nobody else notices, even when its so obvious. which makes me think, how often does it apply to all of us. i think it applies to everyone, cause everyone has their own breaking point, and sometime it reaches so close, but nobody ever realizes, and even if they do, you just pretend that everything is fine, and you just say "i'm fine" and the others just move on, accepting it and forgetting about you soon. everyone has their neuroses and i guess we mostly keep it to ourselves. and then i wonder, how long till i break? but then, who knows?

i have matured
apparantly. based on my report book. and i guess its true. i am mature ok! i just dont show it much. and as a standard in most of my comments, they say how i need to find a balance. and oh well. we'll just see.

how lovely
life is. i just realized im a liar. but then again, who isnt. we lie about the small things, and then eventually, you realize that all these small things just kill you eventually. but you realize that you cant stop. and eventually you break.

laughs
to get off the uber serious topic. i went to youtube. and found this. last year video
where katy perry gets her boobs plastered. :O kind of hilarious. and weird. i wonder who bought it. and another more recent but kind of old news video. where katy perry sings on sesame street! :O

i shall end here. so should i wear class tee?

this post is dedicated to the awesome 204. im not going to write individual messages, cause i rock like that. actually its cause im too lazy to write one by one.

guys, through these two years together, through the uncountable time we spent together, we have bonded, in some way or another. some of us may not be close, but still, we care. some of might not even like each other, but in the end, we are still one class no matter what. can we for this last day together, put aside all unhappy feelings, and be together for this one day, happy and as one? we will never have this chance again, with all of us together, and we have already missed our chance of a complete class outing. our numbers have dropped, but im sure somewhere, somehow, he knows. and she isnt here anymore. but we are forever as one. i dont care what the others say, and im sure you guys know too. we're 41, no matter what. we're 204, and its not going to change. no matter where we go, we will carry this piece of all of us everywhere. can we forget all of our prejudices and fights, and childish things, so we can just be a class? but then again, who are we if we dont have all our little flaws? but still, can we at least talk to each other. cause i dont want us to end like this, with some of us not even saying anything. i know im not close with a few of you guys, especially some of the guys. but even so, i will miss you. cause we're altogether as one.

204, i love you. all of you are original, cannot be replaced. and cause we rock like that. you're all beautiful/handsome and amazing. and dont ever forget that. for someone somewhere, will care for you and think of you.

oh gosh. i cant believe i took so long to write so little. i also cant believe i was crying while writing this. i dont express my feelings well ok? so be happy that im writing this, not like most other stuff where i dont even write notes. cause we're awesome and cant be forgotten.

KARMA
baby. Indonesia has been hit by an earthquake! sorry to say this indonesia, but karma's a bitch. retribution for the haze. if any indonesian people read this, i apologize, i feel sad that it has happened, but still, the haze may be killing people here. so, KARMA BABY, KARMA.

MILKING
i dreamt that i was getting milked. again. there are 2 senses of the word.
1) that i could possibly be a cow, and a female one at that.
2) and milking can be refered to males. think about it yourself. what is thick and white and can be drank?
this is probably not normal. in reference to 2. wouldnt that be a blowjob? ._. im underage man. go away.
oh. and if your wondering how i know 2. dont ask. and dont wonder. i just know. cause im smart like that.

COMBINATION
has been submitted. no regrets baby. this is my choices
1) 2bBE
2) 1BE
3) 2bAE
and in reference to that, here are my marks.
English -71 marks, A2
HCL - 47 marks, D7
Maths - 54 marks, C6
Science - 73 marks, A2
Geog - 57 marks, C5
Hist - 57 marks, C5
Lit - 67 marks, B4
D&T - 78 marks, A1
Art - 56 marks, C5
Civic & moral education - A
Music -B
Project Work - B
Percentage - 62.2%
L1R5 - 18
important ones are in bold. my results are terribad. last in class, 201/242 in level. i am a weird person, science got triple science standard, maths uber fail. lets see, for double with elective, i need 65%, 60 science, 70 maths, IF I AM NOT WRONG. so. we'll see if i can actually get into my stream of choice. oh well. i already know im weird. that science and maths should be together. w/e. im a weird person, and im unique, so i'm awesome and i rock.

i think i shall end here today. oh, P6 recruitment, tomorrow, i dont like you. thankyouverymuch.

touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch me. i wanna be dirty!

sadistic

but still, i smiled epicly when i saw this. :O i need happy things! :D and this has made my day. it filled my mind with whacking a certain SOMEONE over the head. :D umm. yeah. :D

though this one is sad

yeah. so if you understand it, you see why its sad. and this reminds me of some other stuff that is completely unrelated but was so sad it made me cry. gosh. :O not good. sigh. i shall divert the topic from that depressing thingy.

i shall be happy

:D though. this is kinda homophobic. me no likey. D:

i need to think of things to write
cause i have no idea what to write anymore. D: i am topicless. gosh. i need an intelligent topic that can make me look good. :D

ANNOUNCER DUTY
sucks. cause i dont like it. cause i panic and get stage fright. D: its so much easier when you cant actually tell anyone is looking at you. and when your not alone. unfortunately, the world doesnt work like that. so. yeah. do i talk too fast? apparantly so. i shall -attempt- to do better. 3 more days! :D

SRR GAMES DAY
has irritated me. cause i got a last minute notice, rushed out the whole event proposal in the space of a few hours, and then it got cancelled! although, i kind of wanted it to be cancelled, cause it was very rush and hard to organize and just kind of weird. but still, i wasted a few hours of my life! D: postponed to next year. and things shall be improved. mr pah said not too bad of an idea though. hmmm. ._.

P6 Recruitment Talk
is on wednesday, 9am to 11.30am ish? i still have cca after that. dont want go cca. cca boring! cca nothing to do! cca should just end now and continue next year and not have cca during holidays! CCA IS WONDERFUL! yeah right. :D read between the lines. or, on the line? ._. oh well. :P

i just realized
that i have run out of topics for today. and actually got quite a few topics, linkless, boring and pointless. :O oh well. :D

OH SORRY! i didnt realize the comics were that huge. :P oh well.

gah. today's performance was today screwed up. xinmin students who actually read my blog, vote for me? (: singing was totally :O i shall. record my song soon. since its supposedly a belated qiannong birthday present. haha. it shall be a secret what song i am recording! :D school life is boring. boring boring boring. lalala. oh well. actually theres nothing to post. ._.

its just getting really hard right now. and i think the cracks are showing. my mind is a messed up place to be right now.

oh hello world. i just discovered i was arrowed to be invest deco ic, at the last minute. :O with nothing done by previous ic. i think. oh well. i'll just do my best to do it well. i shall find the previous ic tomorrow and ask him what is going on. haha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLFRIEND. i will surprise you with a surprise that is not on your birthday, therefore it will be more surprising! :D tbh i dont know when im going to surprise you either. spontaneous! :D

i think i'll ask bryan to help me jailbreak my iphone. :O soon i guess. haha. 16GB phone only! later no space left. then i sad. ): haha.

its the first day of school! there is nothing interesting, but tomorrow end at 4. hmmmm. life is boring. but interesting at times.

new friendships, old friendships, a new life.

i have changed my blogskin. i found this one in like, few minutes. o_o which is surprising, cause i usually take days and days to find it. i think this one is a little screwed, but i dont care. i like it.

jamming is fun. ._. but random, and doesnt come cheap. lols. and zane is scared of me.

khasim mysteriously fell sick at qiannongs house, and i bought porridge for him, and he slept alot, so he recoveredish. :O qiannongs house is a conductive environment to sleep. HAHA. we always feel like sleeping when we go over. almost everyone fell asleep/felt sleepy.

steamboat is coming up! :D my mum says i spend more time in school/out than at home, which i think is true. oops. :O not much choice though. haha.

i want to be a therapist when i grow up. then i'll save those people who have nothing to live for. (:

86th post!

been feeling unbelievably dead these few weeks. i have no idea why though.

i have the awesomest friends by the way.

i've handed in the form already, second guessing myself.

what if im not good enough? what if i dont get in?

then i realized, it doesnt matter. i dont have to be exco to do anything.

sigh. it was a miracle i reached home before 6 today.

i realized its not that school ends that late, but that i dont want to be alone.

guess im just that kind of person. i dont like to be alone most of the time, i want to hold someone.

call me corny or whatever, i dont care.

i want to hold someone in my arms and keep them safe.

at times i find myself unbelievably childish, at others incredibly mature.

guess thats just who i am.

i need a hug.

strip them away one by one, till theres no one left.

who will love me then?

85th post. :O

I BROKE ANOTHER BRACE. GAH. AND I JUST GOT IT FIXED. now i have to stay with a broken brace for quite a long time. like a few weeks. i should go back soon, but im too much of a lazy ass. :O oh well. :D



oh hello. tests are amusing. AND IM GETTING EXCITED ABOUT MAH BIRTHDAY. WOOHOO. cause im such a naise person. okay. that had no link at all. :O

i wonder who reads my weird posts. o_o



sec 3 life is indeed different. im getting weirder habits. :O and then i realized something about myself, then i forgot what i realized. oh well.

lady gaga's born this way is awesome. goodnight. HAHA.
NO MATTER GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BI,
LESBIAN, TRANSGENDERED LIFE
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO SURVIVE

i should probably stop writing my blog post in that cryptic kind of style. but im too lazy to do a proper post. hahaha.

today was too hot. amazingly, unawesomely hot. sweated like mad. D:

i spent the day doing nothing productive, as per normal. i have so many ideas, but im too lazy to act on them. haha.

i just wrote my english essay in about 30 mins. :O typed it out to be more specific. 600 words. its random crap anyway. i also split all the recordings, which were supposed to be handed in last thurs. oh well. theres nothing else to hand in tomorrow i think.

i just realized i have recess duty tomorrow and tomorrow tomorrow. :O

my cousin has a new dog. so cute. :D i miss my dog. ):

blargh.

make believe is so much better than reality.
books are a form of escape.
you could pretend to be a character, saving the world.
or it doesnt have to be so grand.
it could be one with a good friend, one you stayed overnight with.
it could be one that has an impossible life.
but when the books end, it just leaves you feeling worse than before.
cause you know that it doesnt exist.
________________________________
cause i may be bad but im perfectly good at it.
sex in the air, i dont care i love the smell of it.
sticks and stones may break my bones,
but chains and whips excite me.

and so it starts.

the forms are out, the beginning so near.

undecisiveness, guilt, stress.

i am undecided.

what will make my decision?

i dont know.

morale is low.

one has left our numbers.

dropping, lower lower lower.

one rose for many people.

one lost, scattered in the wind.

one gone, far away now.

one love, who will never know.

i'll buy that rose tomorrow.

at least i'll satisfy someone.

cryptic, a liar's soul.

whenever you ask.

a lie is easier than telling the truth.

then that rose will arrive.

i'll keep it till its withered and brown.

until its stalk turns brittle.

like i do every year.

lets go crazy darling.
what are you hiding from me?
what causes you to run away?
not that it matters much.
or at least it isnt supposed to.
if you dont expect anything,
you wont be disappointed anymore.
i've been living through it so long.
but it isnt working anymore.
i cant stay so far away anymore.
and my heart just breaks everytime i expect too much.
you dont have to be a lover, to break someone's heart.
it doesnt make sense, but it does, if you understand.
i dont want to hurt.
why are you going away?
its not true, but yet it is.
will you be the one to understand me,
but how can i expect anyone to.
i'm only beginning to understand myself.
darling, wont you stay?
i want to touch, feel, smell.
but you wouldnt understand.
remind me of safety, of home.
smell of shampoo and soap, and of yourself.
it doesnt have to be that way.
im going crazy.
it's about to begin.
this journey to the end.
im not waiting for you anymore.
im stepping onto this road, with you or without.
you'll stll be there, but you wont be on the same path.
the current one isnt good, its falling.
can you understand this?
probably not.
and so the journey begins.
i want you by my side, follow me.
it isnt as complex as you think.
its so much more simple.
warped, dysfunctional, insane.
crazy is definately the word.
i can, but i dont want to.
i dont have to prove myself to you.
find me faithless.

i hate this society.
it makes people bitter, including me.
it creates stereotypes, and prejudice.
it shows too many lies, and hides the truth.
why is it when society decrees that
skinny people are beautiful,
everyone believes it.
why is it when society decress that
gays are abnormal, disgusting,
everyone accepts it.
why does this society throw around words.
fag, gay, bitch, slut, retard, bastard.
why are the people not standing up?
why are the people following this society,
making it worse and worse, and not caring.
this society hurts too many people.
i am a victim, and everyone is one too.
no matter what you say, everyone suffers.
we just dont show it.
i hate this society, and i cry for it.
and i ask myself.
why? why do i let this continue.
what can i do as one person.
and then truth strikes.
there is nothing i can do.

i am a guy. im tall, big, somewhat strong. but i am still human. its not just because im a guy, im not affected. i've been called an asshole, a fag, gay, stupid, fat and many more. and everytime, no matter how i look on the outside, it hurts. i look at myself in photos, in the mirror, and i hate what i see. i have acne, bad breath and im fat. i dont stand straight, my back hurts all the time. and everytime somebody says something like that, it hurts, even if its just a little. i say these things to other people too, with no ill meaning behind them, but sometimes it still gets received badly. and because im such a big guy, everyone thinks i have no problems. all i want is for someone to really ask, and really mean it when they ask me if im fine. to just listen to me while i talk. everyone just asks, are you fine, and when i try to talk, they start talking about themselves. im there for you when you need someone to listen, but when will you listen to me? this society is terrible. people think the worst of everyone else.

i try to stay positive, think of the best of others. but sometimes its really hard to do when all people think about is the worst of people. everyone breaks, its just a matter of time before i do. and when i do, who will be there for me?

but then again, even if nobody is there, we just have to pick ourselves up and move on. to all those people out there, stay strong, if for nobody else, then yourself. stay strong and move on. dont give in to anything else. i dont want to cry for another name and a faceless body. love yourself, and carry on, even though its hard.

i hate this society, but we still have to live on.

heyhellohi. we're all going crazy. this post shall mostly be dedicated to people. especially someone. especially seems weird. i think i spelt it wrongly. hmm. my pronounciation is going crazy now of days. damn braces and people with incorrect pronounciations. ._. whatever.

DESIREE
cheer up girl! but i dont think you actually read my blog. tell me if you do, tyvm. :O your a naise person.

SHERRY
thanks a lot for all the times you help me. you are awesome. awesome! nobody will ever match up to you. umm. probably. hahahaha. but who knows. you've been an awesome swat head and friend, even if we're not that close. :D

QIANNONG
this post was mostly because of you actually. hahaha. dont care about your weight all that. it doesnt matter. you can feel bitter about it for awhile, but never forget that IT DOESNT MATTER! you are beautiful, in your own special way. you are one of my bestest friends ever. :D and im being honest here okay. >:D okay. weird emoticon. whatever. hahaha. nobody can judge you for who you are. they can tell you their opinions, or you can think of your own, but in the end, it doesnt matter because you, yourself and you is the most important thing. i think you're really pretty, and i think overly skinny girls are just :O. i like you just the way you are. :D so dont forget how awesome you are. hahaha. okaye. by the way, if anyone ever bullies you, tell meh. cause i will come up with a grand plan of revenge. and it'll work out perfectly. eh. probably. eh. probably not. hahaha. but still, i'll be there for you. :D i think this is so weird. oh well. BE HAPPY YOU HAVE A DEDICATION. I DO NOT LIKE TO WRITE DEDICATIONS.

and i shall stop the dedications here. hahahaha. actually, i shall end with a general dedication.

EVERYONE OUT THERE, YOU ARE AWESOME AND SOMEONE OUT THERE LOVES YOU.
it might not be okay in your life right now, but it will get better. i promise.

78th post. :O

slowly but surely im starting to blog again. eh. hopefully. hahaha.

this year i bought all jeans only, so i guess whenever i go out, i have to wear jeans, if not my mum will complain, say i never wear. ._.

lit presentation is tomorrow. and we havent done rehearsal for the script either. GAH! :O

sherry if you see this, do you think i should run for exco? :O opinions! i need opinions. hahaha. but i'll probably run anyway. i just want to know what other people think. ._.

investiture at NUS was fun. awkward turtle all the way though. hahahahaha. actually not so bad. and while at investiture, i brainstormed 2 secret ideas for june camp! HAHAHA. :D its a secret. that only a few people shall know. :D awesome. if i can get people to approve it. we shall see.

i should be sleeping now. cause i should rest. cause amaths is terribad. so hard to understand. negativebsquare plusminussquarerootbsquareminustwoab overtwoa. alphabeta completing the square quadratic equation! bleh. amath is evil. heh heh.

its kind of a bad thing, but i hope alot of people fail the physics test. then can retake a easier one. LOL. :O

i think my writing style changed. again. :O oh well. goodnight.

honk, said the car to the boy. it asked angrily, do you want to die?
the boy replied, maybe i do, and continued to walk on.

sec 3 life is hectic. and i think im going crazy.
i think im going to run, no matter what.
but president, really?
im not so sure anymore.
tell me a message.
of sanity and care.
srr duty tomorrow. who is doing with me?
no stock anymore. buy again.
life goes on and on.
i guess i just dont have the mood right now.
sec 3 life is depressing.
new friends are interesting.
they make life more fun.
i wonder how i'll do.
then again, nobody knows.
so we'll continue anyway.
we are who we are.

the car shook its head, and continued on its way.
the boy continued walking,uncaring about the stares he received.

a sinner in despair

sorry i didnt update in so long.
the feeling just isnt there.
and i guess that sometimes what people say is true.
"the people who appear the happiest, go home and cry"
people grow too used to hiding everything.
i bet hardly anyone knew that i was in a bad mood the whole day.
i bet nobody knew that i almost cried this morning.
i wonder if nobody cared, or if i just hide it too well.
probably the latter.
cause i think positively, except when i let myself go.
the only reason i dont tell you is cause i dont want to lose this harmony.
this feeling of contentness.
i think im going crazy.

find me faithless

heyhellohi. its the 74th post. after quite some time. lalala. last post was on christmas eve, which was 6 days ago. :O

ORIENTATION
is taking up alot of my time. ._. going to school almost everyday, but tomorrow and tomorrow tomorrow dont need to. :D cause its the new year. but not everything is done yet. so D: and theres only about 110+ish hours till 6am, on the first day of orientation, when it really starts. and its 2pm right now, so where are the people im meeting. only nerissa is here. :O everyone else, your late! hahahahaha. ok, im not even sure who is supposed to come. and khasim is not replying my message. ._. lalalalalala. so fun. oh wells. im in school now, unless you havent realized yet.

PANTS
i just bought my long pants yesterday. then i tried them today, and i realized i bought them too big. so if i dont wear a belt. they will literally fall. ._. so they look super baggy. D: oh well, good thing is, they probably wont split. at all. :D heh heh. shall look weird. gah.

SICK
i might be falling sick. :O been sneezing the whole morning, and got a bit of a runny nose. and for some reason, these few days im always hungry. though technically that contradicts things. cause when your sick, shouldnt you have a bad appetite? oh well. haha. :D lalala. apparantly denise has banned the orientation comm from eating maggee mee. cause we keep eating. like almost everyday. :O can be for breakfast, lunch or dinner. ho ho ho. so she said we'll be in trouble if she catches us. so, oh well. :D

OH WELL
i keep spamming oh well throughout this post. haha. crazy stuffs. i shall stop now.

I THINK EVERYONE IS EATING NOW. ._.

73! the bus i can take home. :D

CHRISTMAS
is coming soon. really really soon. in 2 and a half hours. :D its christmas eve! at least theres no orientation stuff tomorrow. can stay at home with my beloved family. haha.

ORIENTATION
woohoo. lets see, i'll have to go to school everyday, except tomorrow, 31st, and 1st. :O pretty much everyday i guess. haha. hmm. did the first day of action plan, sent for vetting. weirrrd stuff. needa do media requisition soon. as in, really really soon. oh well. we'll see. my mum understands that i am doing a big event, and thus is not angry that i go out everyday to school. :D woohoo for understanding parents.

I DONT REALLY HAVE MUCH TO POST
so therefore i shall stop after this short post today. :D

lalalala. 72th post! :D

O!
i did it again. i start out almost the same every day. ._. i should find something new. oh well. haha.

SEC 1 REGISTRATION
was. mostly wasting time. HAHA. only the first 2-3 hours then was productive, after that, you only needed a few people. ._. so we basically went out in groups to eat brunch, which i didnt eat. i only drank milk tea! (which by the way the pearl is the smaller one now, which is nicer. :D) im drinking too much milk tea. ._. and i didnt eat breakfast. then cause we were discussing orientation stuffs, i didnt actually eat lunch till 3ish. :O considering how i woke up at 3am, it was quite long. lalalala. overall, was quite fun, but then again, anything with my friends is fun. uh. mostly. haha.

ORIENTATION
is killing me. :O schedule is constantly changing, which is pissing me off, when they say comfirm, then they suddenly change the whole thing. which just screwed up stuff. now mr lui is doing it, so i dont care anymore. i'll just wait for the finished one to come to me, and see how. i realize i've been going to school almost everyday, and for the next 2 weeks, i WILL be going to school practically everyday, more or less. ._. so woohoo. i dont know what we're gonna do about alot of stuff. therefore, me, desiree and jeremiah are going to stay up the whole night (more or less) during SL chalet to do orientation stuff. talk about a good way man. ._. oh! another weird thing is that, whenever me, khasim and whoever get together to do some stuff, to discuss how we're going to edit or do it, like proposal or schedule, somehow i usually end up doing it. which is weird. :O since im sure none of us purposely directs it in anyway. oh well. haha. orientation, orientation. we have something to do everyday, and on our calenders, 4th of jan is marked as DIE! so yeah, whatever. :P

WHIP MAH HAIR
i whip mah hair back and forth. this song is addictive. the kind that will stay in your head, because it has a catchy rhythm, and it isnt that hard to remember. ._." lesson learnt: guys cant have fun, cause you need to have long hair to have fun. how sad. :O

RANDOM CRAP THAT GOES ON, MOST PROBABLY SL STUFF
SLR key is with me! huhuhu. actually its chew's copy,but cause registration need blazer, so i took the key to get the stuff today. so could hang around in SL room, compared to usual in the canteen, which isnt as fun. heh heh. apparantly there are only a few keys in existence, since people borrow the EXCOS keys then lose them. so not all EXCOS have the key. heh. OMG, I HAVE TO REDO THE NOTICEBOARD FOR SLS! its so overdue, i got my idea, but i keep procastinating. gah. D: okay, im bored. so i shall go read a book, and sleep early. :D

just gonna stand there and hear me roar, but thats alright cause im a dinosaur! :D

lalalalala. hmm. 70th. :D

I REALIZED
that i usually start my blog post with hey/hello/hi or lalalala. or some other random crap. :O and there tends to be a smiley somewhere in the first line. heh heh. crazy thingies.

MAH PHONE
my old line is actually still activated, so technically you can still message me, but i dont check that phone very often. so, please please please message me on my new number, unless you dont mind me looking at your message a month late or something. ._. which is hilarious actually. :O in case you think that its a waste of money, i shall explain.

oh, before we start, my iphone is on a DIFFERENT account on m1.

ok, my old number, is bundled with my grandfather's line and my aunt's line. so its 3 lines in 1 account. and M1 has a deal where, if you have 3 lines, you get a 25% discount on all of them! my line cost $25.68, my grandpa's is $25.68, and my aunt's is $201.16 (dont ask me why its so expensive) so all together, we pay $252.52, but with the 25% discount, it would cost $189.39, which is alot cheaper.

lets say i remove my old line, it would be $25.68 + $201.16, with no discount, which would be $226.84.

and out of curiousity, let us calculate how much it would be if i bundled my iphone line, which would be 4 lines, with a 30% discount. which would be $25.68 + $25.68 + $36(iphone) + $201.16, and we pay $288.52, but with a 30% discount, it would cost $201.964, which we shall round down into $201.96.

and you can see, with my line, its cheaper by $37.45 if my line remains, which can be seen by $189.39 vs $226.84. and actually my iphone line would have been cheaper by $23.43 if i bundled it into the other account. :O and you can get this by, $201.96 - $189.39, which would give you $12.57, which is the amount i would pay if i got the 30% discount, vs $36. :O guess i was dumb. but my aunt is a not-so-reliable person that pays on time, and my line has been cut off a few times before. so my mum decided it would be safer under her. so, haha. :D

you can tell how topicless i am, if i decided to take such a huge chunk just for my phone line. ._.

ORIENTATION
i want to whack myself. went through quite a lot of stuff today, and the awesome thing is, i updated the proposal, but it was closed and after we closed it, we realize we didnt save onto the computer, since we had opened it from the email. which is = to no save. which i found out today. so i have to redo the whole thingy. GAH. irritating as heck. D: tomorrow registration, wear blazer whole day, and do other stuff AFTER registration. kill me! nevermind. it'll be over soon. must reach school at 6.30. ._. but i have the SLR key! :D though, its only borrowed, and its chew's key. so if i lose it, i'll die. oh well.

GOODNIGHT PEOPLE.

woohoo. its the 70th post. :D

UPDATE FAIL
for the past few days. sorry for the lack of reading material. i was either out till late, or i was out at night, which is the common time i'll update. its actually more or less the last thing i do before i sleep. :O and i have updated cause i havent updated for a few days and someone reminded me to update. so here i am. :D

SWAT BBQ
was awesome. as per normal. WOOHOO! people say my chicken wings taste nice, and i cook them nicely. :D besides my cooking skills, the kind of fire was important too, so oh well. first time for a bbq that we managed to finish like, all the food. :O except the corn, the corn of course. all in all, i spent $20 on chicken wings, which will be paid by me, and $90 on bbq essentials, which will be repaid! :D $50 of which is already with me. didnt really play many games this time round, but i think it was still good, cause i think just sitting there and talking and eating is good too. i realize that recently almost all the parties i go to i end up bbq-ing. and for quite long. oh well. :O i can cook pretty much most stuff, but i dont like to cook satay. i dont know why. haha. SMALL BLADDER PERSON. xD most people would probably not understand this. inside joke with sherry. :P

CLASS BUFFET
today was awesome. i think zane likes me. later he forget me, for the second time, and that would be sad. oh well. haha. well, sakura is good. but that sakura was at such a weird place. middle of nowhere. haha. food is good, first time to sakura. but my tako balls were all eaten, and i wanted more! D: but i ate like, 7 chawanmushis. which is steamed egg. which is probably alot more egg than im supposed to eat. gah! no egg for the rest of the week. ate tons of random stuff. haha. then we went to plaza sing to talk and just walk around. we watched 2 different programme thingies. toytoy(?) amazon adventure. something like that. and meet and greet yogi bear. toytoy one was hilarious. soldier with tight gold pants make for a big bulge person. hilarious. :D AND THAT AWESOME SPINNING MUSHROOM/CONDOM/JELLYFISH/FLOWER thingy that descended from the top onto the person. yogi bear one was kind of boring. oh well. we were all laughing at the big bulge person. :O i think he should be happy that he was so well endowed. oh well. :D
eventually we settled in at kopitiam, and sat there for over an hour. zane was by now sleeping on zhiyu and qianbong. so i bought a bowl of fishball soup to share with some of them. $4.80 for a big bowl of soup, some fishballs and veggie. :O so we talked randomly, and we ended up playing dai ti in the kopitiam, which was weird. in the end we all scattered and went home. and that was the end.

ORIENTATION
is killer. school is now my second home, even during the holidays, which is just. weirrrd. holidays are weird. oh well. haha. going to school tomorrow, and the day after next, and probably a few more times here and there. oh well. it'll all be over soon. :D

SLB CHALET
will be awesome. hopefully. i shall ignore the black dress code, cause i dont really have alot of black. o_o and therefore i think im going to wear white. and i'm staying overnight. i wonder who else will stay overnight. ): i think i'll bring clothes to shower into at the chalet. probably will shower quickly in the middle of the night or something. :O hmmms. i think i'll end up bbq-ing for abit, but i dont mind, cause i like bbq-ing. linking back to the swatbbq, the smoke from swatbbq made me tear up, like seriously tear until got tears run down my face. :O bad position of me. haha. cant wait for slb chalet! :D

lalala. i think thats all. i shall not ramble on and on and on. :D

woohoo. the 69th post!

Dear 6, Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you guys do some pretty nasty things.
Sincerely, 7.

and this shall be in celebration of my wonderful 69th post. oh well. ._. on to the normal stuff.

tuition
is interesting. due to random little events that happen. i've had the same tuition teacher for a few years already! :D and i got lost on the way there today. i took the bus, dropped at some weird bus stop, decided to just walk in the general direction, and walked for about 30 minutes. i walked for 10 minutes, decided i was lost, spent another 10 minutes walking aimlessly and the last 10 minutes realizing i could use google maps on my phone to help me find my way. ._. so, i found my way there! luckily i went early, so i arrived just in time. :O when i was leaving my grandpa fetched me, so it was alright. but to amuse you further, while waiting, i felt something on my neck. being the person that i am, i touched it, and thus, i discovered that a red ant about 1 cm big had been on my neck and it had migrated onto my hand when i touched it. also being the awesome person that i am, i proceded to freak out slightly, and whack my hand agaisnt the railing of the steps. being the strong ant, it stayed on. i finally cooled down a little, and flicked it off. and i shall stop amusing you.

cupboard
i finally got around to clearing my cupboard to put my new books in. i spent almost 2 hours. :O i had 1 bag full of paper, 3 bags full of rubbish, and a box full of books. ._. so yeah. and i packed my stuff in, and decided to use the extra space that usually occupied rubbish as my bookshelf. and now it has many storybooks in it. i also saw a spider in it, and thus i panicked and whacked it with a book. whats with the bugs and me today. >:

yesterday
was so yesterday. oh well, started out pessimistically-ish, as you can see in the previous blogpost. but eventually got ok. actually, reading it, i dont think i made alot of sense. i went shopping yesterday. i bought 4 shirts for $89.50. :O its cheaper than my usual. haha. and i want more shirts. and i realize all 4 shirts fit me just nicely. so i'll probably outgrow them next year. outgrow as in i grow too fat and then feel self conscious wearing it. :O but i wonder if i'll grow alot more. i wish to hit 185cm tall. and hopefully lose weight, but thats not happening now. ._. oh well, lets go shopping again people. i like that shop and i want to go back. :D -PRAISE-

orientation
is crazy busy. proposal and schedule redoing are soooo fun. ._. oh well. it'll all be over soon. hope it goes well. i shall stay strong. for now. ._.

DEC
is kind of busy. alot of outings. i cant wait for swat outing and sl chalet. :D i hope all swat people go for the outing though. it just isnt the same without everyone. on that topic, i shall play games. if i can find someoe to be my partner-in-crime. people at last years swat outing should know. LOL. i miss all the senior SLs. woohoo. that means you sherry. :D and others too. once again, we're back to using our blogs to communicate, like the other time. do you remember? :O ok, this isnt really related to DEC. ._.

huixin
be strong! i'll be there for you. dont be sad, cause he isnt suffering anymore. we'll all be there for you. STAY STRONG GIRL! i dont really know what to say, cause i dont really think that words can be that comforting. i would rather hold people and just let them cry or talk or w/e. ._. so, i just hug you the next time i see you. :D

ok. this post is long. compared to normal posts. oh well. (:

i think too long of a holiday without anything to do is bad for you.

i have also realized i've been in quite a depressed mood for the past few days. which was why i didnt really update my blog for the past few days. so yeah.

this holiday has made me feel lonely. could be due to reading books about siblings, watching shows that have close siblings. i've never been close to my sisters. gender difference? years difference? 3 sisters, many years difference. 19,23,27.

we hardly talk. we can, but we dont. not anymore. i guess we just grew apart. but isnt that too early? we drifted almost 8 years ago. you had your friends, i never really had mine. but still we never talked. when we needed something, we would ask. it would be awkward sometimes. but still.

19, near but still too far. 27, a child-like innocence. 23, never close. 14, the odd one. one after, the last, but never stayed, lost to the winds. would you have been my friend, baby brother? the close one i could have had? but its too late now. the clock ticks on, and your already gone.

i've been thinking about my life, about me, the past few days. and i realized i didnt know much about myself. so i thought about it, and realized some little reasons behind some of the things i do the most. some of them are probably common, but some of them are just weird. and some of them just end up hurting more after a while.

dont tell me that we'll stay friends forever.
dont tell me that i have a wonderful life. its good enough, but there are still the little things.
dont tell me that just because i have a big house im rich. you dont know the reasons behind it.
dont tell me that just because my family has a few cars i have a good life.
dont tell me that im pampered, cause its just not true.
dont tell me that you'd wish you were me, when sometimes i wished i was somebody else.
but then again, we'd all just be forgotten eventually. lost to the winds, snatched by ghosts of the past.

but then again, if we think about it too much, it'll only hurt more. so why not just let it go? let it drift away. so then again, i dont care. cause their only words. so go ahead, say them all, not that many people will know. anyway, its the little moments that we show we care that really matter anyway. so, its still worth it. (:

for those people that thought i was happy all the time, this should reveal more to you.

lalalala.

TUITION
is in 45 minutes. and i should be getting maths tuition soon too. ._. so i'll have both maths and chinese tuition. woohoo.

SADISM
i think everybody is a sadist. we laugh at people who are going through bad times. fmylife made me laugh like hell. which is sad. but then again, sometimes its really hilarious. so, oh well.

TOPICS
topics topics topics. give me a topic. ._. i have no topics.

ORIENTATION
is in 20 odd days. i have 5 things on my to-do list. some are relatively easy, but some are harder, such as redoing the proposal. ._. its super messy now. so, sigh. and everything should be done by 16th. i shall proceed with everything after my tuition. gahs. raymond and other advisers have advised not to tank everything. but then again, some stuff you cant really do as a group. ._. so, gah.

I HAVE NOTHING INTERESTING TO POST! D:

heyhellohi
2 topics today. one side random topic and one main topic. :D

the random side topic: my blogskin
what do you think of it? i like it, but i think it looks screwed on IE. ): oh well. i shall just keep it. :D ok. that was short. tell me what you think. :D

the main topic: the lovely word known as "fuck"
i dont get it. personally i dont use "fuck". and i never used it before like june this year. i think. and i only use it when im emotionally distressed.

for example, i am super pissed and/or depressed. which is very rare. actually, i havent used it when im pissed yet. mostly when im depressed, but even then, i've only said it a few times.

compared to some people who cant open their mouth without saying fuck once. few people have heard me say it. once when i got shot by the hot glue gun. and it slipped out. evelyn heard that one. ._.

ok, i understand sometimes theres nothing that can fit except a fuck. and dont think wrong, cause i know it sounds wrong. and i know it sounds wrong cause i think wrong. therefore im telling you not to think wrong. but, if you keep using fuck, then it loses its force.

for example, if you drop a glass and it breaks, you say fuck.
when you lose something, you say fuck.
so what do you do when an elephant falls and drops on your foot, you say fuck.
when you get abducted by aliens and their ufo crashes your house into rubble, you say fuck.
if you use fuck for everything, then it doesnt mean anything anymore.

therefore, i recommend that you use it only in emotionally distressing times or when your going crazy or when nobody can hear you. if your alone and nobody can hear you, you can keep saying fuck to the pillow. i dont care.

but some people dont like hearing the word fuck. so keep it to yourself. personally, i dont have a problem with it, but there are people who do. so shut up, and keep your fucks. thank you very much.

if my topic makes no sense to you, then too bad. :D

heyhellohi

NEW BLOGSKIN
yeehaw. i like this one. but i think it looks screwed on IE and FF. but it looks best in chrome and safari. o_o can you drop me a message if you think it looks weird. cause it looks weird on my comp. ok, i think it looks completely screwed in IE. LOL. fail much. ): but i like this skin. this shall be a temporary one. till i find one that i like. which will take a long long time. this skin only looks good in chrome. ._. oh well. weird weird weird. :D oh. and its not smartphone friendly. ):

INTENSIVE
was wonderful. i loved it. :D super fun. i less than three SLB. and the painting of the SLB board and the camp in general has given me inspiration for the SLB noticeboard design! hohoho. was sad that my thumbprint idea failed though. :O therefore it shall be used to the noticeboard. (: lalala. im have procastinated this for so long. intensive was wonderful, but i shall not go and post some long long post about it. it was just awesome, i loved it, and i think the people who planned it were awesome :D. goodjob to the people who did. dance TTM was my favourite activity though. :O camp is general was awesome, best camp i've been to yet, good for bonding, but tiring though. :O i have been repeating how awesome the camp is. i shall stop now. :D

OUTING
today was good, not too boring. randomed all over the place, have learnt that NEX is still packed, and movie theatre there should book tickets, or buy super early. ._. so oh well. black pepper chicken from KFC is nice. you should try it. :D but for people who dont like black pepper, dont try, cause the taste is kinda strong. actually mostly its on the skin. so up to you. :O

BLOGS
for my seniors in SLB, i only know colins, sherrys and a recently discovered lionel lorks. ._. why are seniors blogs so hard to find. LOL. D:

sorry, few days no post. :O

barbeques
are fun. i spent most of xinying's party barbequeing. :D i barbeque nicely ok. not burnt, not undercooked either. i took almost an hour to cook 2 chicken wings. ._. but they were good, and so not burnt. :D desiree's barbeque was fun, but i didnt barbeque for that one.

games
i have spent $3.98 on 2 apps. ._. i shall. maybe buy more. but not alot more. haha. :D amateur surgeon is fun. so awesome. but somewhat violent and sadistic. :O

i dont actually have anything to post. ._.
oh well. intensive is tomorrow! i have to pack today! i have no poncho. oh well. ._. failed. sad sad sad. haha.

63rd post!

classes
next year are weird. there is 1 triple science class, 2 mixed triple and double science classes, 3 double science classes, and 1 combine. i am in the combine, which is 307. which sounds weird to me. ._. i am alone in my new class! i shall know kaely. haha. :D too late to regret anything now. ok. i will regret it, just not right now. i'll just have to see how my new class is like. haha. maybe i'll be an outcast! :O oh well

meetings
meetings meetings. ._. i think i'm spending alot of time in school recently. haha. orientation takes alot of time yeah. next year shall be interesting. i hope orientation goes well. there is another meeting with chew tomorrow, but only main 6 people. :O actually, i think i would like to be in june camp comm next year, cause i think it'd be interesting to plan a camp, but hard. so i dont know. + i might be an AC facil. so we shall see! ._.

depression
inside shall be drown out with loud music. loud, maxed volume music. so if you see me going around with loud music, dont question it. i think im going to go deaf sooner or later. aaahhh. ._.

lalala. i shall stop here.

heyhellohi.

blogger
i wanted to type on my iphone yesterday, but it failed. ._. oh well. i realize that scroll bars do not exist on iphones. ._. which is fail. my own blog is not iphone friendly. ): are all smartphones like that? oh well

songs
on my iphone are obviously biased. most songs are around 20 plays , or even less than that, depending on how much i like that song. lucifer has 43 plays. :O haha. xD the closest plays is 30. ._. haha. oh wells.

banananana
facebook doesnt like me anymore. my games arent loading. my backyard monsters. whyyyy? D: and my bush whacker. i think im going to get killed in backyard monsters. ._. oh well.

lalalalala. stop.

my first double post in a day! :O

iphone
dumb dumb peixuan locked mah iphone for a total of 81 minutes yesterday. LOSER. go away. D:
most people use their iphones to play games, i use mine to surf the net. :D woohoo.

song are fun
THIS is awesome. :D

i have suddenly run out of topics. this post seems to be redundant. ._. oh well. "POST!":D

60th post! :D

lucifer
is hard to dance. half an hour and i cant get the first 20 seconds right. too fast! D: i think i need step by step. haha. or maybe im just not cut out to be a dancer. :P i shall give up this project for now. i will continue sometime. in the far future. HAHA. :D

bored
theres nothing to do. nothing to do. i think i'll go write my fanfic. chapter 2! :O woohoo. should occupy me for an hour or so. :D

internet connection
in my room is not as fast as in my living room. ): bleh. but i dont feel like going down. cause the sun is too bright. :D

bleh bleh bleh. this is a boring post. maybe i'll post again later.

heyhellohi!

dancing
i shall learn how to dance lucifer! probably not a good song to start learning how to dance with, as its oh-so-fast. ._. i shall at least try to get the first 1 minuteish of the video tomorrow. haha. :D i shall spend tomorrow looking at the mirrored version and learning how to dance. :D gah. even looking at a slow version, its so hard to catch. so hard to remember since when you try to dance to the actual song, its sooo much faster. haha. oh well. shall see how tomorrow. :D qixuan tried to teach me, but i couldnt grasp it, and we only spent a minute or two on it. after that we tried to remember down. can remember, but i think we forgot a small part of a step. cause it seems weird. oh well. :D

NEX
is kind of huge. but walkways are not very big. smaller than vivo. but not bad overall. just, the layout of the place is kind of confusing. and not all the shops are open. :O

saw
kuanyung and wyekit. :D nice to see them after such a long time. not that close of a friend with them though. thinking back, i wasnt actually close to alot of people during primary school. people i am close to in secondary school, TREASURE ME. :D ok, that was thick-skinned. haha. i dont care.

i am bored. therefore i shall spend tomorrow dancing. if something doesnt suddenly crop up. haha. lalala. i should seriously stop walking in the rain. i think i will fall sick again. then i'll sicken and die. oh well. i am in a good mood. i like shark in the water. oh well. :D GOODNIGHT PEOPLE!

banananananana. today was boring. my hair got cut off. :O

boredom
can make people do many things. i read finish a 251 page book in a few hours. then got bored, made a formspring, and felt like reading another book. started the first chapter, then got bored again. then i wrote a random fanfic and posted it up somewhere. if you find it, and discover what it is, you probably wont know its me. cause it doesnt have my name at all! HAHAHA. then i started singing random songs. i cant hit the notes anymore! :O sad, sad.

sing
so i shall sing with huixin and qiannong, can we decide what song to sing, so can practice? LOL. btw, who has the thingies to record anyway. ._. oh well. would help to pass time anyway.

notes
i have discovered this is useful for lyrics use. i have also discovered a faster way rather than to type one word by one word into iphone. ): but i got too bored of getting lyrics, so i ended up with only 4 song lyrics. lalala. :O

formspring
if you have time, go ask me stuff. i need things to pass my time.

my number
has changed, in case you havent realized. i shall not disclose my new number here, later i get stalked by people. if you want my new number, you can message my old phone, but i dont check often. so you can wait. :D

lalallalal.my hair is short now. bleh. wanted to grow it long, but then again, mother was did not allow me to. she also did not allow me to dye my hair. she did however, ask me if i wanted to change school. ._.

BABY THERES A SHARK IN THE WATER
THERES SOMETHING UNDERNEATH MY BED
why would a shark be under your bed? ._.

ohwell. interesting stuff. :D

HELLO! random fact spammage. :O

1 in 12 people have sex in their sleep. It's called "sexsomnia".
:O IT IS AN ACTUALLY DISEASE! so people have sex in their sleep. it includes masturbation, sex, fondling etc etc. and apparantly it can be used as a defence in a rape case! cause sometimes its really unintentional. apparantly this is a kind of sleepworking. quite hilarious i think. :D

this song is quite lol.
THIS is a mashup of tiktok and california girls :O amusing.

this person tricks people into drinking his semen
THIS is one evil dude. so many upskirts also. dont learn from him. LOL. AND HE WAS A CIVILIAN OFFICER. OH MY! :O quite hilarious. me and my mom were laughing at him.

this vid
THIS is a weird advertisement. and somewhat disturbing. ._.

lala
missed openhouse cause im sick. ): coughing fits make me feel like puking. and for some reason, i taste bitter. as in, my fingers all that. dont ask me why i was licking myself.

BAWHDOFASDFOASDFAASD
ok. nothing else to add. too lazy to add actually. i shall go shower. heh heh. goodday.

56th post.

typing style
someone has said that my typing style changes when im angry or depressed. hmm. ._. apparantly when im angry i type faster, and tend to have more typos and there will be complete punctuation. for some weird reason. and it would be in complete sentences. either that or if im in a really bad mood i'll just type in really short, clipped sentences. ._. oh well. weird habits. I AM A PERSON OF WEIRD HABITS

toothless
i think i'll turn up with no teeth. either that or my braces are pushing my teeth around. heh heh. i dont like it when i just change my braces. doesnt feel nice.

sick
sick sick sick. i think im falling sick sick sick sick sick. coughing like mad the whole day. runny nose, almost vomited a few times. so i have no idea if i can still go for open house tomorrow. but how to find sub at this kind of time. if i need one. i wonder if i can just grab a person that's the morning one. oh well. im going to end up coughing myself to death. woohoo.

topics
topics topics. i have no topics. give me a topic, any topic. and no, i'm not going to repeat gay rights. :O i'll pick topics. IF YOU ACTUALLY GIVE ME TOPICS! :O

christina grimmie
rocks. (: though i think if she had better audio/video equiptment she'd be awesome. :D been following her for quite awhile.

im pretty sure my voice is breaking. mmhmm. HAH PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT I BROKE MY VOICE ALREADY! YOU WERE WRONG. HAHAHAHAHA. which would mean my voice will end up even lower than this. ._. oh well.

oh. my appeal failed. due to maths being terrible. and i had a very interesting discussion with my mother. on xinmin. and considered just changing schools. cause if i just change schools, i could most probably enter into a triple science. so yeah. had thoughts on that. haha. i think some of my primary school friends are changing schools because of this also. i actually had a discussion with my sisters and mother about this. which is rare. hmm. ._. oh well. we also had thoughts of xinmin that would probably not be wise to put here, due to the fact i might be found out and accused of slander etc etc. ._.

my mom was awesome though. i think it was mr lim who called her. so she got angry and she said :"so basically your just telling me that i cant do anything about it." cause they say also cannot change already blah blah blah. my mom is awesome. she supports me. (: i think the changing school thing is interesting though. thinking about it but yeah. you know.

oh well. i has new view of xinmin now! :D

blah blah blah. i think this is my 54th post. ._.

rain
i was walking home today and i probably should have at least tried to avoid the rain. ._. however, being the person that i am, chose to slowly walk through the rain, seeking no shelter whatsoever and purposely walking in the rain. i even had the time to look at the rain clouds. i think some other people thought i was crazy. oh well. i like the rain. however, i dont think it was the best idea, and i think i'm going to fall sick again. oh well, too late to change anything.

PSLE results
are out! apparantly the highest score this year is 278. i think. i wonder how many of my primary school people are going to come to xinmin. i doubt many of them will. i think mostly will go zhonghua etc etc. hmm. ._.

dental
my braces are now red. woohoo. cause i randomly picked a colour, and it ended up red. like bloody red. woohoo.

earpieces
i think i should stop twirling them. i kept twirling and twisting and bending my old LG ones and they ended up dead. ._. i think if i keep doing this, my apple ones are going to die too. ._. that would not be very good. but i cant help myself. subconscious bad habit! psh!

gradnight photos
are fun to look at. cause i get to see my seniors if they were to dress glamly. :O quite interesting. heh heh. btw sherry, as you read this blog, i shall compliment your dress. nice dress. :D ok. that was so random. haha.

lalala. cant really think of more topics. im still reading random books on my iphone. i think my iphone is not so much for games, but more to satisfy my love of reading. :D though searching for pdf files of books online is quite troublesome. ._. and some of them have weird typos and format. lol.

fanfic
is interesting. if i end up bored enough, i think i'll write my own one. somehow i think fanfics are mostly written by girls. hmmm. ._. oh well. i shall break the stereotypes. thank you very much.
the end. (:

REGRETS
regrets are so common, yet unavoidable. well. most of the time anyway. in retrospect, actually quite avoidable, just that we as people are too stupid. suddenly i feel damn nostalgic. now, i regret leaving YCSOG. not that anyone from YCSOG reads my blog. or anyone out there that actually knows about YCSOG. haha. go find out yourself, if your really that bored. i look back, and i miss the time i spent together with those guys. now, i see little bits of info and pictures of them now, with new members, new people, old people, new memories. and i'm not there with them, like the past. and then now i wonder, what would it be like if i never left? im pretty sure i would have rised through the ranks, at least for a certain point. but then again, who knows. anyway, its not like i can go waltzing back after so long. i miss them. sigh. but then again, i dont think they miss me, i dont think they even think of me, unless they actually see me, which i hardly do. sigh. looking through old photos of overseas trips together. camps, australia, japan, performances. out of my original batch of 10+, theres only 2 left. and i regret leaving them alone. guess i never really put in the effort. i also just realized, i still have access to YCSOG forums. haha.. guess regretting it doesnt make a difference. even if i wanted to rejoin, i dont think i will be allowed to. so thats that.

linked to this topic, think about who you're talking to before you say something that could hurt that person. it might not be offensive to other people, but it could cut the person deeply if you say something without thinking. so think it through and dont regret it.

people, make the right decision, no matter how hard. dont give it only to regret it later.

hello lovely ones.

class 204
is random. and loved. and the class blog was randomly updated. sorry, this just randomly popped into my head. :O

behkhasim
has amused me the whole day. :D orientation meeting we keep saying the same thing at the same time, then other people laughing at us. :O after that we had a random chitchat with raymond about stuff then went to buy food back, and bought food for liya too, though it got cold cause she only ate it like, 2 hours later. D: anyway, me and khasim were randomly watching one piece and i never actually watched it, so suddenly skipping to episode 450+ was quite lol. evelyn was spamming some of my iphone games to pass time. khasim amused me with this wonderful sentence "me no kuku" in response to my "you kuku". when he said it, me and evelyn looked at each other then laughed like hell, and liya was laughing at the back. khasim was like, stunned, then he thought about what he said for awhile, then he was like WTH. then he just ignore us and continue watching one piece. :D then after that, evelyn was like "ME NOT KUKU" at khasim's face and he quickly replied "我给你一粒啊!" which translated would mean, i give you one ball. so at this point, me and evelyn were laughing again. then he angry again, just ignore us. SO DAMN FUNNY. YOU HAVE BRIGHTENED MY DAY! :D

lucifer
in keeping up with my recent kpop fad, i mostly listen to kpop songs on my phone. and the most played song is lucifer, with 24 plays. :O compared to the rest, its alot, cause the rest is like, around 10 or less than that. :O so yay for shinee. haha. you realize you mostly see fangirls, you dont really see fanboys. hmmm. :O

tuition
in a long time, i will have tuition again. tomorrow! which is oh-so-awesome since i haven't dont my homework. D: lalala.

i am randoming here. i like christina grimmie. ;D her covers are good. and i shall end here. cause i dont want to random too much. haha.

lalalalalala. im so bored. :O

bass or baritone?
due to random searching on wiki, i somehow ended up at the vocal classification thingy. :O i think that i'm a bass. at the very most a baritone. :O but i dont sound low to myself. but then again, what do i actually know about this. :O as far as i know, my pitching is terrible. haha.

orientation
meeting today was kind of fail. it was just fail. oh well. at least i got to eat my chicken after that. :D busy busy busy, theres another meeting tomorrow!

this
song makes me happy. :D its in my head~

i have spent today doing pointless and useless stuff! woohoo. im almost done reading my half-blood prince. :O this is a short post!

my 51th post! :O somehow it seems like really little. ;O

im really having no topics to talk about. D:

sigh. blogs all around are dyingish.

at least, class people who blog are. :o

and im bored.

and sick.

i think i fall sick more often now too.

nothing to do.

i think this blog post is random.

i shall go read my harry potter. goodbye.

hello. i dont think i've been updating cause theres not much to update. therefore, i shall find some interesting things to update. ._.

GOOGLE
is awesome. cause google says justin bieber is female. :D this can be seen when you google top 50 women. #7 is justin bieber. :D but its true though. google is more used than anything else. i mean, you dont hear people, "lets yahoo it", or "lets bing it". ._. its always "lets google it". suddenly i wonder if lets is actually a word. :O oh well. proves google is awesome. :D

IPHONE
is charging now. i charge it everyday. :D most probably because i deplete battery insanely fast due to my internet spammage. peixuan, i want the apps. D: BRING YOUR LAPTOP TO BOWLING TOMORROW! LOL! :D wheee. i just read finish the deathly hallows on my iphone. stayed up till 11 to read finish. :O i shall go backwards. i shall find a half-blood prince one to read. :D maybe after i charge my iphone to full batt. ._.

QIANRENYAN
thousand people smoke. :D thousand people drown also can. :D just pronounce the "yan" differently. woohoo. lovely. from 11am - 11pm. WOOPEE. and i miss a awesome dinner with my mothers company. cause of this. 12 hours worth of stuff. i shall console myself that this will whack a few solid hours of cip into my cca. ._.

DUNKIN DONUTS
i like. i have spent approx $6 on donuts and $5.20 on popiah in the past 3 days. ._. and its not exactly my main meal. so, i have been overspending insanely. haha. D:

HIGH MAINTAINENCE BABY
apparently my mother says i am. everytime also take money. heh heh. keep going out. :O they should stop comparing now to last time where a bowl of plain noodles was 10 cents. i also just realize, theres no cents sign on the keyboard. :O

SLB
is a place for good fun and love. :D

AND THE SINGAPORE-MALAYSIA CAMP IS CANCELLED. WOOHOO. :D lalala. im bored. i dont know what to eat for breakfast. D: theres nothing much to eat. i think i'll go cook maggee mee. :O

well. thats all for today. random topics, but i dont think their very interesting. :O

hello! updating a little early today, cause im just that bored.

subject combi
i shall not talk about this, cause its boring. in case anyone wants to know, im a 1BE, appealing for a 2pB.

horoscope
PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Likes to be the center of attention. Very organized. High appeal to opposite sex. Likes to have the last word. Good to find, but hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. VERY caring. They always try to do the right thing and sometimes gets the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and get hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good sense of humor!!! Thoughtful. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but needs to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be.
i likey. i realize most horoscopes are accurate (for me anyway) except for those hilarious ones that are completely off. :O and most say creative/dreamy or what. so based on my horoscope, TREASURE ME! LOL! :D

gay

i agree. ._. why is gay a description of random stuff that you dont like? though. the ice cream part was just hilarious. (:

love language

and this is a really touching video. (:

cookie dozer
is addictive. :O i think i spent hours on it today. :D cause im just that bored. lalala. hmm. i shall go be bored and surf youtube. :D

i like mayonaise. :D

48th i think. back after a few days. haha.

class chalet was awesomest. but it felt like it passed so fast. probably because i missed the start. :O spammed food, but didnt manage to finish everything. ): bbqs are irritating to plan, either too much or too little food. oh well. random games and talks to keep memories of. and some discoveration that my heart sometimes speeds up when i think of someone. :o or its just that my heart beats really fast all the time. ._. oh well. still awesome. i wont forget the night. i only slept an hour at 6am. :O other than that, didnt really sleep. just now at qiannong's house, drifted abit, but never really fell asleep. so i've been running on like, 1 hour of sleep. :O but surprising i dont feel tired. which proves that i can do things when i feel like it. HAH. i just like to sleep early. its a good habit. (: i realize this paragraph is messy. oh well. :D

i want more chalets. i want to stay overnight with friends. :D fun, joy and laughter. and people telling us to keep quiet. LOL. oh well. i dont really feel like updating now. not in a very updatish mood.

hey you, yes you. smile, cause you're just that much nicer when you do. (:

47! hi my darlings. sorry i didnt update recently. saturday cause i was out and about, and sunday is today! :D

I GOT MY IPHONE 4! :D
i am happy. cause i likey. $500 for a phone. and my mother doesnt allow me to buy $0.99 apps. cause she dont want me to play games. LOL~ oh well. surfing the net on the go is good too. i have discovered something, that youtube outside is kind of lousy. cause although its HD, it turns out all squiggly. i think its cause i never connect wifi, just run on 3G. but, loads SLOWLY. haha. however, downloading videos gives good quality. depending on quality of video in the first place of course. haha. :D

lalala. CLASS CHALET IS TOMORROW. luck fire luck shall commence. heh heh. should be fun. rehearsal, you suck. you should just die and disappear from this earth. and never come back. FOREVER! :D qian ren yan. go away! ): why you must be on my class chalet day. D: at least im staying overnight! hope i dont miss the fun bits. :D

i have discovered. my blogskin is not user friendly on iphone. for some reason, the scroll bar disappears, so you cant see below what is seen. and if your not careful, you'll push the text to the side and the WHOLE thing disappears. which is damn fail. maybe i should get a new blogskin, for those smartphone people. :D

i think i'm the only one in class with a iphone 4. :O oh well. iphones bluetooth is redundant. HAHA. and i shall say this, im not rich. im more fortunate than most, and i know that. but im not rich. rich in our world refers to people who drive around in fancy sport cars yakking non stop into shiny pristine phones studded with diamonds and what not and live in huge mansions that could house a hundred people. and throw a party for thousands. ._.

hello. this shall be a message to everybody out there.

you are beautiful no matter what people say.
be proud of yourself and keep holding on.
cause it will get better, no matter what.
even when it seems like everything is going wrong.
it will get better.
so believe in yourself, and dont EVER let someone else tell you otherwise.
even when you lose faith in yourself, even when you dont believe anything else.
know that someone out there cares about you,
even when it seems like nobody cares.
your life is worth living.
cause you are wonderful.
and dont ever forget that.

if you ever need a shoulder to lean on, somebody to talk to, or just someone to listen to you. tell me.

45th post! :D

i ish looking forward to mah iphone on sat. :D hopefully. ._. i has downloaded 87 songs! to put into iphone. :D i think more than half is like, kpop. ._. i shall. download more songs over the next few days! :D hopefully will have more songs. but i dont really know what else to put in~ lalalalala. i want my iphone! :D i have decided to legally buy all the games. HAHA. phone bill, explode! :D

i am looking forward to class chalet. :D it is tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow. :D monday! but i have rehearsal from 2-7. so if i include travelling time, i wont be at the chalet from 1-8. ._.i think. WHICH IS DUMB LAH. i feel like. playing luck fire luck. which is a game i got from hello baby. :O i think its DAMN FUNNY. and fun. :D i shall not explain the game. just that well. i'll buy my own stuff. if nobody plays, i'll wait till someone falls asleep then put in your mouth. :D lets just say it'll be fun. :D but i think will have people play. haha. lalalala. i think after i go back to the chalet i'll bathe. ._. then i'll hog the toilet. LOL. then people, need pee, you can go pee in the bushes. :D

i am bored. bored. bored. bored. bored. tomorrow has rehearsal. i think it'll be boring. AND WHY ARE THE SEC 4's FOR NEXT YEAR STEPPING DOWN IN FEB. OMG. ITS LIKE, SUPER EARLY! :O i wonder if i'll get some weird position in my cca. ._. i think i will. oh well~

yesterday was fun. :O i forgot how fun cycling is. cycling is goooood. and the playground was interesting. :D yep yep. hummeh hummeh. lalalalala. i'm missing so much of the class chalet. D: but yesterday was fun. yoghurt was sour. must eat with other stuff, then wont sour. ._. i need stories to read. ._. lalala.

i've been having a huge variety of dreams. such as, me killing alot of people. me looking completely different and i was singing on a stage. :O me with someone. me being someone else. and some other weird stuff.

i think korea bands seem more fun. their like, always in a group. and they all seem really close. whereas western singers are mostly solo. which i think is kind of sad and lonely. sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be born somewhere else! :O i think korea would be interesting. japan too. :O i like korea's system. (:

our love should go on, i still love you

lalala. 44th post.

i have discovered
that understanding something and feeling about it is completely different. like how you could understand something, but you still feel about it, even when you know its irrational and cant be helped. dont you think life would be easier if we were amoebas? ._.

i likey
kpop. recently i started listening to A LOT of kpop. especially from shinee. hmm. shinee is good. i like their songs. kpop is nice. even though i cant understand. i think the beats are nice. lalalalala. when i get my iphone i shall download tons of songs. (:
WHEN I GET MY IPHONE! ._.

i want
my iphone now. immediately. hmph. was supposed to get it 2 weeks ago. then push off and push off. i want it by this weekend. D: then i can use to listen songs during class chalet. my current phone hard to download songs. ._. so i want a iphone. though i think it would be EASIER. ._. think. bleh. i also want a new dog. a big one. a big fluffy, friendly one. then the house wouldn't be so quiet and lonely anymore. sigh.

i also realize
when im in a bad mood, i look especially in a good mood. which is weird. sometimes i show it, but its not very common. most of the times, i end up looking like i'm on a high. when im actually in a terrible mood. i bottle it too much i guess. which proves my point that i do not express myself easily. so if i tell you i like you or i hate you, i would probably mean it. um. if im not joking. then again, how would you know? :O bad moods are becoming more common. bad mood meaning either kind of irritated ish or depressed. mostly both at the same time. i didn't use to feel like that. teenage blues? maybe. ._.

i also likey
sleep. i understand why my sister slept so much when she was my age last time. sleep feels good. though i still keep a 8 hour sleeping cycle. at least! ._. i've been sleeping later and waking later recently. ._. late-ish as in 10ish. later as in, 7 ish. ._. which is not really a big diff, haha. but i feel like sleeping more in the day though. which is super rare for me. in the past. now i always feel like sleeping. ._. or it could be because im sickish recently. i dont think i actually recovered from the class dinner time. ._. more like, it fades and come back. on and off. grandparents are asking me to go see doctor, but yeah. ._.

ohwell. her whisper is the lucifer. :D in a better mood. saw the person i like today. cause be partly a reason. :D but then again, i mood swing much. :D

and 43 has arrived. sigh. im still in a sad mood. sigh. no idea why. and if you somehow manage to irritate me, i will fig you.

i can only get my iphone earliest next week. ): cause the line is bundle, then under my aunt, who registered under my grandpa, so if i cancle my line and make a new line under my mother then some thingy will be gone. then need check with the m1 people, and i can only buy with my parents on weekend. so next weekend. and after next weekend is class chalet. whoopee. i realize how through typing moods are easily concealed. sarcasm isnt very obvious too. especially the subtle ones.

i dont want to be me. i dont like me and i dont like my life. i want to be somebody else. or grow older. older as in 18 ish or 20ish. then i'll be free-er. i wanna be somebody else. gah.

and i still wonder what happens to rockstars. they cant release albums till they're 50 or something. like, how long will a group last? after that, what do they do? entertainment? acting? you realize how after a few years, a group tends to die off. oh well. i probably wont find out.

and i realize singapore, as an artist producer, doesnt really work. if we want to get famous, we probably have to go far far away. i wonder how singaporean english singers appear. where do they go? if they sing chinese, they can go to taiwan. where do the english ones go? somehow, i think chinese/korean/japan seem more famous. their lives seem more. just more. i think the language sounds better than english. maybe i'll learn korean or japanese when i go older and migrate and just disappear.

cause life doesnt go the way you want.

42nd post. i've been in a really bad mood recently. consider yourself warned. i have also decided i dont like this world. this post shall be about stuff that is. something.

i seriously dont get why people are so uptight over celebs getting into relationships and start hating on them. for example, jonghyun and that random girl whose name i dont really know. i seriously dont get it. jonghyun is a normal person too. albeit a famous one. so he should have his own chance at romance. and YOU will definitely not even get to talk to him, let alone get into a relationship. so why do people start hating the person even when you've been saying you support him oh-so-much. hypocrites and liars that just jump onto the bandwagon when the going is good. assholes. SO PEOPLE WHO CLAIM YOU SUPPORT YOUR IDOLS, AND YOU SUDDENLY START HATING CAUSE OF SOME DUMB SCANDAL OR REASON, YOUR A HYPOCRITE AND AN ASSHOLE. that is all. sorry if this has offended you.

i dont like how life shows you the sweeter parts of life, that you realize you cant even taste it, or at most catch another glimpse. you realize, sometimes, no matter how people say to dream big, nothing is impossible. there are things that you simply cannot do. for example, although i kind of really want to be a singer, i highly doubt i'll make it, cause one, i think im ugly. and two, my voice isnt spectacular. in fact, its kind of common. at least. i think it is. so i would most probably not make it. and i dont really want to be anything else. but you see, dreaming big doesnt work all the time. and then. it just doesnt work. so there.

i also wonder, after a rockstar is going out of the famous limelight, what happens to them? do they go back to normal lives? do they just carry on, with enough money to last them a lifetime? for example, when will shinee stop being famous? you cant expect them to be famous till they're 50 or something. they'll probably just fade away after a few years. then what? what will they do? will they just break apart and go their seperate ways? will they be the ones you see in the street, walking around? will the somebody become a nobody again? i wonder.

sigh. cause the forbidden is always the most tempting.

cause life isnt a party,
and forever doesnt last.
never-ending doesnt exist,
and everything goes fast.

cause time doesnt wait,
and life never stops.
when the trees finally die,
and all the leaves drop.

cause treasured memories
spin and disappear.
when everything is gone,
even those you hold dear.

you'll hold regret,
and start to cry.
the world would end,
and no birds would fly.

and when the last turns to dust.
and nothing is left but sand.
there wouldn't be anyone left to cry.
and so it would end.
copyright wenzhi

its my 40th post! and i just noticed that i have a follower! :O

angler fishies
are sad. especially male ones. and due to me commenting that on that, my friends are interested in why. namely, xianghao and peixuan and qixuan. HERE is a link. click on it and read it, then you'll know why. :D

rocky horror show
thanks for inviting me sherry, but expensive tickets. almost $70! :O but thinking of it, can i actually watch? no age limit? :O surprise surprise. rocky horror seems to have so much maturity in it. have to ask mummy if she lets me go, translation, can i have moneh? :D

blogskins
i feel like changing it! but i cant really find one that i like. and its the most hated thing for me. bleh. so we shall see. i wanna change~ but none that i like~

i
shall now go tidy up the minutes i took just now. ._. goodnight.

heyhellohi. this is already the 39th post. :D

i have decided
HOLIDAYS ARE BORING. there is absolutely nothing to do. and im going to die of boredom before school starts again. D:
i however, have weird stuff appearing during my holiday schedule. such as 3 camps. also known as
-DESEB camp (is it actually still on? cause theres only like 11 more days? and it wasnt actually comfirmed. either that or nobody told me. ._. ) 11-12 nov
-weird thingy camp i got nominated by mr lui by. :O 22-26 nov.
-intensive 6-9 dec i think.
:O one of the more camp intensive holidays. usually only have 1 or 2. :O

204 is awesome
and apparantly other classes are jealous of us. cause we're that awesome and we have so many outings and we are oh-so-bonded. I LAUGH AT YOU! HAHAHAHAHA. no im not so mean. (: or am i?:D tomorrow have another one, class chalet in about 14 more days, more getting planned. :D

grandmama
does not believe that i managed to fill more than half the dustin with my tissue paper. :D due to my not-so-awesome runny nose. i realize if i fall sick, i fall really sick and STAY sick for a few days. the few days one is most likely runny nose + cough + sore throat. guh. havent felt like that in forever. khasim thinks my voice sounds funny. in what way though? i shall ask. i think it sounds deeper. if someones tell me its me breaking voice, i will slap your ass. :D i dont think breaking voice involves a sore throat and insane coughing. huhuhu.

are fishballs
actually made of fish? does it mean people mush fishies up and roll them up so we can eat fishballs? ._. WHAT ABOUT THE BONES. OMG. OR THE EYE BALLS. OMG. SO GROSS. i do not like fish eyeballs. which is why i dont like to eat fish that is not already cut up. i do not like to see their fishy faces staringat me and screaming silently. it is disturbing.

katy perry
is my new artiste fad. :D i feel like buying teenage dream. cause apparantly if you open it, you can smell COTTON CANDY! OMG. so cool. :D and i like her awesome songs. like fireworks, cause its inspirational and supports gays. like peacock cause its just awesome. and circle the drain cause its also awesome. here are awesome lyrics.
-you fall asleep during foreplay, cause the pills you take are more your forte
-dont be a shy kinda guy, i bet its beautiful/come on baby let me see what you're hiding underneath
-lets go all the way tonight, no regrets
-your original, cannot be replaced
i like her new songs. cause they so goood. :D

i think i had more topics
but i just cant remember them right now. oh yeah. i am happy that i am seeing more gay supportive videos now. :D and some awesome videos feature gay people. :D

and i shall stop here. actually im thinking of multiple posts in a day, but we'll see. :O

ITS MY 38TH POST! :O i apologize for the non-updatedness for the past few days. but better than somebody! last post:2010年9月14日. :O UPDATE LAH KHASIM. ok. i highly doubt you even read my blog. ._.

i was sick
yesterday, and yesterday yesterday. yesterday yesterday was just a sore throat, with a killer cough and painful ness. then because i got into the rain and was not taking care of myself at class dinner, yesterday i had a fever/sore throat/coughing/runny nose/ headache. and i headache the whole day! D: killing me. i has not felt this sick since ever. D: then i want sleep, but too restless, so cannot. today seems ok though. still abit of sore throat and cough.

iPhone4
is gonna be my new phone! :D like yay. but im only going to buy next week. so w/e. :D i ish happy!

CAUSE BABY YOUR A FIREWORK
yeah. i likey fireworks. the video is so goood. good as in OMG IT MADE ME CRY. yeah. its so inspirational. i still dont get what the fuss over the gay kiss is about. i think its ok, i think its actually good that katy perry is showing the world how gay people need more confidence. ok, something like that. i dont know how to explain it. ._. GO AWAY HOMOPHOBES. WE DONT NEED YOU! :D

i shall end here. oh btw, class dinner was the bestest :D

somehow
it isnt that sad. i dont think it hit yet. maybe i'll cry overnight at the class chalet. or maybe i'll live in self-denial. still, i will miss this class. epicly loud and annoying class, but somehow still together as one. due to me having the camera, my facebook is getting spammed by notifications after i uploaded the photos. which is why i'm not on facebook right now. tomorrow is class dinner. so weird. i might wear class tee. with a sticky cap. cause its the only cap i have and i havent actually worn it yet. cause im just that bored. and i dont know what else to wear. well, we'll see. (:

my headphones
have officially died. which is like. so sad. now the left side completely no sound. and the right only got sound if you hold the connection at some weird angle. which i cant possibly hold. so i need new earpieces!

iphone4!
i want. but i dont know if my handphone plan is going to end soon. it should end soon, but not sure when. hmm. i should be getting an iphone. unless my mother randomly decides not to give me an iphone. D: but i wants. but we dont always get what we want. so oh well.

i read
a random story. which is depressing but true i guess. it was a fiction on how we as humans, and as the lower ones on the chain of command, how we have no choice but to keep quiet about what bad the uppers do to us. on how the uppers push off work to us, and we have no choice but to accept it with a fake smile and carry on. and also on how a person can be so close to cracking but nobody else notices, even when its so obvious. which makes me think, how often does it apply to all of us. i think it applies to everyone, cause everyone has their own breaking point, and sometime it reaches so close, but nobody ever realizes, and even if they do, you just pretend that everything is fine, and you just say "i'm fine" and the others just move on, accepting it and forgetting about you soon. everyone has their neuroses and i guess we mostly keep it to ourselves. and then i wonder, how long till i break? but then, who knows?

i have matured
apparantly. based on my report book. and i guess its true. i am mature ok! i just dont show it much. and as a standard in most of my comments, they say how i need to find a balance. and oh well. we'll just see.

how lovely
life is. i just realized im a liar. but then again, who isnt. we lie about the small things, and then eventually, you realize that all these small things just kill you eventually. but you realize that you cant stop. and eventually you break.

laughs
to get off the uber serious topic. i went to youtube. and found this. last year video
where katy perry gets her boobs plastered. :O kind of hilarious. and weird. i wonder who bought it. and another more recent but kind of old news video. where katy perry sings on sesame street! :O

i shall end here. so should i wear class tee?

this post is dedicated to the awesome 204. im not going to write individual messages, cause i rock like that. actually its cause im too lazy to write one by one.

guys, through these two years together, through the uncountable time we spent together, we have bonded, in some way or another. some of us may not be close, but still, we care. some of might not even like each other, but in the end, we are still one class no matter what. can we for this last day together, put aside all unhappy feelings, and be together for this one day, happy and as one? we will never have this chance again, with all of us together, and we have already missed our chance of a complete class outing. our numbers have dropped, but im sure somewhere, somehow, he knows. and she isnt here anymore. but we are forever as one. i dont care what the others say, and im sure you guys know too. we're 41, no matter what. we're 204, and its not going to change. no matter where we go, we will carry this piece of all of us everywhere. can we forget all of our prejudices and fights, and childish things, so we can just be a class? but then again, who are we if we dont have all our little flaws? but still, can we at least talk to each other. cause i dont want us to end like this, with some of us not even saying anything. i know im not close with a few of you guys, especially some of the guys. but even so, i will miss you. cause we're altogether as one.

204, i love you. all of you are original, cannot be replaced. and cause we rock like that. you're all beautiful/handsome and amazing. and dont ever forget that. for someone somewhere, will care for you and think of you.

oh gosh. i cant believe i took so long to write so little. i also cant believe i was crying while writing this. i dont express my feelings well ok? so be happy that im writing this, not like most other stuff where i dont even write notes. cause we're awesome and cant be forgotten.

KARMA
baby. Indonesia has been hit by an earthquake! sorry to say this indonesia, but karma's a bitch. retribution for the haze. if any indonesian people read this, i apologize, i feel sad that it has happened, but still, the haze may be killing people here. so, KARMA BABY, KARMA.

MILKING
i dreamt that i was getting milked. again. there are 2 senses of the word.
1) that i could possibly be a cow, and a female one at that.
2) and milking can be refered to males. think about it yourself. what is thick and white and can be drank?
this is probably not normal. in reference to 2. wouldnt that be a blowjob? ._. im underage man. go away.
oh. and if your wondering how i know 2. dont ask. and dont wonder. i just know. cause im smart like that.

COMBINATION
has been submitted. no regrets baby. this is my choices
1) 2bBE
2) 1BE
3) 2bAE
and in reference to that, here are my marks.
English -71 marks, A2
HCL - 47 marks, D7
Maths - 54 marks, C6
Science - 73 marks, A2
Geog - 57 marks, C5
Hist - 57 marks, C5
Lit - 67 marks, B4
D&T - 78 marks, A1
Art - 56 marks, C5
Civic & moral education - A
Music -B
Project Work - B
Percentage - 62.2%
L1R5 - 18
important ones are in bold. my results are terribad. last in class, 201/242 in level. i am a weird person, science got triple science standard, maths uber fail. lets see, for double with elective, i need 65%, 60 science, 70 maths, IF I AM NOT WRONG. so. we'll see if i can actually get into my stream of choice. oh well. i already know im weird. that science and maths should be together. w/e. im a weird person, and im unique, so i'm awesome and i rock.

i think i shall end here today. oh, P6 recruitment, tomorrow, i dont like you. thankyouverymuch.

touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch me. i wanna be dirty!

sadistic

but still, i smiled epicly when i saw this. :O i need happy things! :D and this has made my day. it filled my mind with whacking a certain SOMEONE over the head. :D umm. yeah. :D

though this one is sad

yeah. so if you understand it, you see why its sad. and this reminds me of some other stuff that is completely unrelated but was so sad it made me cry. gosh. :O not good. sigh. i shall divert the topic from that depressing thingy.

i shall be happy

:D though. this is kinda homophobic. me no likey. D:

i need to think of things to write
cause i have no idea what to write anymore. D: i am topicless. gosh. i need an intelligent topic that can make me look good. :D

ANNOUNCER DUTY
sucks. cause i dont like it. cause i panic and get stage fright. D: its so much easier when you cant actually tell anyone is looking at you. and when your not alone. unfortunately, the world doesnt work like that. so. yeah. do i talk too fast? apparantly so. i shall -attempt- to do better. 3 more days! :D

SRR GAMES DAY
has irritated me. cause i got a last minute notice, rushed out the whole event proposal in the space of a few hours, and then it got cancelled! although, i kind of wanted it to be cancelled, cause it was very rush and hard to organize and just kind of weird. but still, i wasted a few hours of my life! D: postponed to next year. and things shall be improved. mr pah said not too bad of an idea though. hmmm. ._.

P6 Recruitment Talk
is on wednesday, 9am to 11.30am ish? i still have cca after that. dont want go cca. cca boring! cca nothing to do! cca should just end now and continue next year and not have cca during holidays! CCA IS WONDERFUL! yeah right. :D read between the lines. or, on the line? ._. oh well. :P

i just realized
that i have run out of topics for today. and actually got quite a few topics, linkless, boring and pointless. :O oh well. :D

OH SORRY! i didnt realize the comics were that huge. :P oh well.